Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Le Shaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 630
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 622



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLe Shaydots
    -------------------------------------------


    says she to her own reflection
    never have I seen such love in mind
    and loving one's own reflection
    and with this love, she gazedinto her eyes

    so much that I began to cry
    and upon weeping saw her hearts deceit
    and sorelywishedit would die
    fancy she must, eachbreathe of hersshe doth entreat

    she should be fat from such conceit
    yet hungry still for more
    was I reduced to begginather feet
    to look upon the face of a whore

    and the whore did earn hername
    this love for her love, only she could claim




    Submitted on 2007-02-16 09:07:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      S1:
    Remind me of Narcissus.

    S2:
    This stanza confuses me. I'll explain after the stanza bit.

    S3:
    I like this stanza the most. Especially, "she should be fat from such conceit". The idea of feasting on one's own selfishness and beauty is interesting to me. Actually gives me an idea.
    Though, there's confusion for me again.

    S4:
    Confusion again.

    Confusion:
    I understand the piece is about a person. I'm lost mostly on the "I" parts. The first stanza gives me the impression of discussing one person and that person's vanity, but then later on you throw in "I", which is distinctly separate from the subject.
    So the "I" bits either deal in the idea of jealousy, or feeling inferior.

    In S2 I wonder why the speaker cries. Because the speaker is jealous, feels inferior? What is the hearts deceit. I'm just confused by the whole thing and failed to break it down into anything sensible.

    Then, S3 I can not figure out if L2 is in reference to the subject or the speaker. If the speaker, why does this reduce the speaker? If the subject, same question. It doesn't make sense to me.

    The last stanza, I do not know what any of the previous stuff has to do with the subject earning her name. I assume the name "Le Shay" is what we're speaking of. If "whore" is the name earned, then I can find some sense in it.

    Overall
    I know this is an old piece, which is good as I find it too confusing to be any good. I think the running together of words is interesting, but at the same time can find no real reason for you to have done so, aesthetically, thematically, or otherwise.

    If I didn't know this was about a person (if you changed the title to something not suggesting a name) then I would be largely lost in what you were going for.
    | Posted on 2008-10-01 00:00:00 | by Sir Jimeth | [ Reply to This ]
      ahhh, i remember reading this too
    i cant remember why i havent commented on so much of these
    anyway
    this is pretty, and accurate and a lovely style, but for some reason it doesnt seem like you, or the idea of you that i have in my mind....i dont know why its like that, but as nifty as this is it still seems like someone else wrote it....

    xoxo
    | Posted on 2007-09-12 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    135115

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Push written by JanePlane
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Fasade written by jackz
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Bond written by saartha
    Linger written by saartha
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry