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Building Bridges with Notes

Author: Memphis
ASL Info:    21/f/Right Here
Elite Ratio:    5.13 - 130 /158 /31
Words: 103
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1018
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 582


This one came in Spanish class and was completed in Physics class...let me know what you think of it...

Building Bridges with Notes

We have danced this dance time and time again,
But only around the perimeter of the dance floor.
If we move to centerstage how would it change at all?
Would we build bridges of love with the notes that hang in the air?
Then would you leave me standing on the edge of an unfinished bridge as you float toward the stars where you belong?
My dearest starchild, would you remember me as you scintillate in the heavens?
I will come out into the field to see you and nothing more.
Because if I bathe in your warmth, what will become of me?

Submitted on 2004-06-07 13:29:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Maria, you seem to have written this poem from the point of view of the earthbound when you are my starchild, bound to shine in whatever you do in the future. "Notes" oddly enough had me puzzled for a while, because despite the dance floor, not being a musical person, I interpreted the notes as billet doux, more a chain letter than a bridge. It still makes more visual sense to me. So, you obviously started life as a twinkle in your parents' eye, so I now wish you all the best in your meteoric career.
| Posted on 2005-01-08 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
  Mi gusto mucho, porque, estudiar tu Espanol!
OK, I slaughter Spanish but thought I'd give it a shot. I hope you study all your classes as well as you write.
| Posted on 2004-06-07 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
  excellent. this poem makes me think of if someone i loved left me because they died or something, what you happen to me. the person i love right now almost commited suicide a while ago, which really was the saddest day of my life but i talked them out of it. And this poem makes me think...if they had sone it, what would happen to me? would i be the loser that i once was, or just die or saddness. well, anywho, good write.
| Posted on 2004-06-07 00:00:00 | by EdwardScissorhands | [ Reply to This ]
  Then would you leave me standing on the edge of an unfinished bridge as you float toward the stars where you belong?

-this line bugged me. i would perhaps say instead:

Would you leave me standing on the edge of it, unfinished, as you float toward the stars where you belong?

i've always loved the idea of dancing in poetry. because to me, poetry is to dance as walking is to reading. not that that makes any sense whatsoever. but i tried. good write. =]

| Posted on 2004-06-07 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]
  I loved this. Rhyem and love, wonderful combination. Anyways, I loved the first few lines, talking about dancing, but only on the outskirts of the dance floor, and then the risk of going into the center. I think you were trying to get the risks of love across in this piece. At first you're on the outside, then you want to go in for the catch, but at the same time you're scared of what may come of the love from the outside. I think the only thing you can really do, it take the chance. Dance centerstage and just pray things will turn out.
| Posted on 2004-06-07 00:00:00 | by darkened_soul | [ Reply to This ]
  wow its so romantic... is it meant to be? i mean this makes me want to go out and take so ... kind so amazing i feel as though ever moment not traced with dance is a moment wasted
| Posted on 2004-06-07 00:00:00 | by PoetryQueen | [ Reply to This ]

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