As I... by Midnight Rain

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Submission Name: As I... dots

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Author:	Midnight Rain
ASL Info:	15/M/Connecticut
Elite Ratio:	2.86 - 18/16/5
Words:	71

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	715
Average Vote:	4.0000
Bytes:	358

Description:

As I...

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As I stare deep into your eyes
I can't take my eyes off of you

As I fall asleep and dream about you
I can't take my mind off of you

As I think about how sweet you are
I cant stop talking about you

As I feel you have no love for me
I can't stop loving you

Submitted on 2007-02-17 08:58:25 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  Well, I like it... I think your weakest line is here though:

As I think about how sweet you are
I cant stop talking about you

because being sweet, and talking about someone are two very different things... Your other stanzas have some relationship between the lines...
Overall though it was short, sweet and heartfelt. Good job.
| Posted on 2007-02-20 00:00:00 | by stefhy | [ Reply to This ]
  aw...
| Posted on 2007-02-18 00:00:00 | by TwistedMinded | [ Reply to This ]
  My ex....hmm... Beautifully written. Dont listen to that jerk.
| Posted on 2007-02-17 00:00:00 | by BrokenAngelKat | [ Reply to This ]
  This is cliché overdone and cheaply places, lacks skill and does nothing but butcher your own self esteem.

sorry
| Posted on 2007-02-17 00:00:00 | by ShomaSS | [ Reply to This ]

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January 10 07
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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.