Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: As I...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Midnight Rain
    ASL Info:    15/M/Connecticut
    Elite Ratio:    2.86 - 18/16/5
    Words: 71
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 715
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 358



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAs I...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    As I stare deep into your eyes
    I can't take my eyes off of you

    As I fall asleep and dream about you
    I can't take my mind off of you

    As I think about how sweet you are
    I cant stop talking about you

    As I feel you have no love for me
    I can't stop loving you




    Submitted on 2007-02-17 08:58:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Well, I like it... I think your weakest line is here though:

    As I think about how sweet you are
    I cant stop talking about you

    because being sweet, and talking about someone are two very different things... Your other stanzas have some relationship between the lines...
    Overall though it was short, sweet and heartfelt. Good job.
    | Posted on 2007-02-20 00:00:00 | by stefhy | [ Reply to This ]
      aw...
    | Posted on 2007-02-18 00:00:00 | by TwistedMinded | [ Reply to This ]
      My ex....hmm... Beautifully written. Dont listen to that jerk.
    | Posted on 2007-02-17 00:00:00 | by BrokenAngelKat | [ Reply to This ]
      This is cliché overdone and cheaply places, lacks skill and does nothing but butcher your own self esteem.

    sorry
    | Posted on 2007-02-17 00:00:00 | by ShomaSS | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    135206

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry