This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -

Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

As I...

Author: Midnight Rain
ASL Info:    15/M/Connecticut
Elite Ratio:    2.86 - 18 /16 /5
Words: 71
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 902
Average Vote:    4.0000
Bytes: 358


As I...

As I stare deep into your eyes
I can't take my eyes off of you

As I fall asleep and dream about you
I can't take my mind off of you

As I think about how sweet you are
I cant stop talking about you

As I feel you have no love for me
I can't stop loving you

Submitted on 2007-02-17 08:58:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  Well, I like it... I think your weakest line is here though:

As I think about how sweet you are
I cant stop talking about you

because being sweet, and talking about someone are two very different things... Your other stanzas have some relationship between the lines...
Overall though it was short, sweet and heartfelt. Good job.
| Posted on 2007-02-20 00:00:00 | by stefhy | [ Reply to This ]
| Posted on 2007-02-18 00:00:00 | by TwistedMinded | [ Reply to This ]
  My ex....hmm... Beautifully written. Dont listen to that jerk.
| Posted on 2007-02-17 00:00:00 | by BrokenAngelKat | [ Reply to This ]
  This is cliché overdone and cheaply places, lacks skill and does nothing but butcher your own self esteem.

| Posted on 2007-02-17 00:00:00 | by ShomaSS | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?