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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Crumbling in Autumndots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: saartha
    ASL Info:    27/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.01 - 230/393/145
    Words: 86
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 956
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 674



    Description:
       An experiment with line breaks.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCrumbling in Autumndots
    -------------------------------------------


    A whimsical jump is
    suddenly
    a burial. The coffin is the
    crinkled skin of old, once-russet
    fallen

    leaves, smelling like the
    leather of ancient tomes,
    the dust of ancient tombs.
    An unimaginably worn sensation-
    dry to the touch and
    waiting

    to crumble. This is the
    sentimental solace between the sighs,
    found in the heart of the grieving widow,
    in the cast-offs of failed experiments,
    in the writhing specimens
    beneath

    the omniscient microscope god.
    This is the final ending-
    dust
    to peaceful
    dust.




    Submitted on 2007-02-18 15:10:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I have read this quite a few times, and each time I keep thinking maybe (now here's a suggestion, you've been warned) this would work better :

    "...to crumble. This is the
    sentimental solace between the sighs,
    found in the heart of the grieving widow,
    in the cast-offs of failed experiments,
    in the writhing specimens
    beneath the omniscient

    microscope god.
    This is the final ending-
    dust
    to peaceful
    dust."

    Read it verbally, and tell me what you think.

    I do very much enjoy this piece, though, particularly the beginning.
    | Posted on 2007-02-22 00:00:00 | by Fizzlethorpe | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked it. Great job with the line breaks! It reminds me of an author, Sylvia Plath, she's most known for her novel "The Bell Jar", but she has some great poems that have excellent line breaks, you should check them out from the library!

    Keep writing and keep up the great work!

    *~ Mist ~*
    | Posted on 2007-02-18 00:00:00 | by PrincessDoom13 | [ Reply to This ]


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