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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A lesson in readingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Clarkie
    ASL Info:    18/F/FL
    Elite Ratio:    5.33 - 101/76/36
    Words: 133
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 794
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 915



    Description:
       Just a little piece I concocted for petry class.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA lesson in readingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Misspelled words are strewn across the pages
    confetti conflagrations congregated
    poetry mirrors reflecting days without a thesaurus
    a dream of a nightmare- so easy and so painful
    I want desperately to crawl into the computer
    there is sympathy for their lackluster phrasing
    Still; thesaurus, thesaurus, thesaurus; please
    My dreams grow and pulse, with dictionary trees
    Stone faces crack in smiles at newly discovered pages
    Bright bursts of red or purple as new thoughts explode
    Libraries stable winged horses of imagining
    I never pray, but I pray now that these people will read
    Read or their poetry brings death to vocabulary
    ‘pain’ on the page sends tap shoes drumming on my ears
    Bells clang clang clang; freedom in the last line
    This ordeal leaves me with a headache only good poetry assuages





    Submitted on 2007-02-18 16:02:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This was great. Everything you said in here is so very true.

    "poetry mirrors reflecting days without a thesaurus"

    That was my favourite line.

    I have no constructive criticism for this, I loved it!

    Cheers and God bless,

    ~Mandi~
    | Posted on 2007-02-19 00:00:00 | by Mandi Gayle | [ Reply to This ]
      I believe I know the type - they treat it cheaply and never pause at the ending of a line.

    As if something written with care...should be smashed as cheaply as their everyday speech.

    As if something less descriptive could ever get the job done.

    I don't know if you intended it but I take 'pain' as a clever nod to "angst", and it makes me smile.

    The only thing I didn't much care for was the "c" sound in line 2. It seems a little over the top, more a tongue twister than a poem.

    Though I'm sure it was intentional, it still doesn't seem to fit quite properly.
    | Posted on 2007-02-19 00:00:00 | by Fizzlethorpe | [ Reply to This ]
      Thesaurus! Thesaurus! My kingdom for a thesaurus!
    Perhaps the first few lines are about your own writing, or perhaps others' (often completed) writes, but in either case - so true, so true.
    There are a lot of good metaphors here, but you haven't overused them - no sense of straining to jam yet another one into the lines. The only fault I find is the lack of enjambment. Your phrases end where your lines end, making the poem feel choppy. Putting the line breaks in different places would require the use of punctuation, currently not in vogue, but punctuation, like alcohol, is not a sin, excess when taken excessively.
    I enjoyed reading this, and empathize totally.
    fred
    | Posted on 2007-02-19 00:00:00 | by fredmelden | [ Reply to This ]
      I know exactly what you mean. So often I have had this same thought, where I thought someone could of used a more picture in mind inducing word. I can't say I haven't done that though, used a dull word with no imagery. It's a part of this poetic growth process. Right now, I'm in poetic down time, and it's making me want to cry, but it's not time for me to write. You though, this is great. Not only does it talk about something positive and important as writing great poetry, but it's done in a great poem. Thesaurus, thesaurus. That cracked me up, I could sort of see fumes coming out of somebody's ears lol. Anyhow, this is a great write, and it rings true. Good job.
    Be at peace,
    ~Azura*
    | Posted on 2007-02-18 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]


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