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    dots Submission Name: The Waste Of Usdots

    Author: Soulraven
    ASL Info:    31/Male/Illinois
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 510/481/142
    Words: 104
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1022
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 569


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    dotsThe Waste Of Usdots

    Now, youíre gone and itís hard for me to realize.
    Only god knows how much I miss your eyes.
    I blame myself everyday, that I am why youíre gone.
    I run through my head all the things I did wrong.
    Nobody knows the sorrow I keep.
    That every night I cry myself to sleep.
    I seek the way I felt with you.
    I felt like a flower covered in morning dew.
    My anger was misplaced.
    But how could you let us go to waste?
    I guess all good things have to end.
    Love could blossom if you had let me in.

    Submitted on 2004-01-31 13:19:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Very good work. There is such longing here. I do agree, that breaking that last line up would add more of a punch. Good work.
    | Posted on 2004-02-02 00:00:00 | by Scribner | [ Reply to This ]
      Awesome. Truly powerful and so easy to relate to. Not too fond of the last line, though. I don't like that you use both "could" and "would have."
    | Posted on 2004-01-31 00:00:00 | by JKPS613 | [ Reply to This ]
      what about cutting the last line up until 'blossom' then place the 'if...let me in' as the last... but good job
    | Posted on 2004-01-31 00:00:00 | by MzJae | [ Reply to This ]

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