Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: S.E. (Smell) To Take Me Homedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: EmpathicAya
    ASL Info:    13+8/unMale/Your Mind
    Elite Ratio:    7.31 - 700/456/109
    Words: 77
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 945
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 522



    Description:
       This was garlic, and I am haitian, and I know first hand the smell of garlic, and it's used in almost everything, and I peel it a lot, cooking, and looking, and it reminded me of Thanksgiving, so I decided to write about that. Hope you like it.
    Be at peace,
    ~Azura*
    PS: Please, make use of the punctuation. All of it is needed.
    PPS: Thanks for the spell checking, Mandi!!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsS.E. (Smell) To Take Me Homedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Embracing the scent, I
    allowed it to take my
    hand,
    and walk me to a room
    of warmth, and words, and
    family, and friends. Taking in
    the memories
    of cooking, and looking, and
    there, in my head,
    and nose, was my host, on a
    roast,
    permeating throughout the
    kitchen and, taking
    it's rightful place as the flavour
    of warm memories, released my
    hand, 'til I would come for a
    revisit some other day.




    Submitted on 2007-02-18 23:46:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      what I like about this poem (apart from the fact that it's made me suddenly so very very hungry) is the rhythm the punctuation gives it, makes it sound all jumpy in a happy way as if it is sonically leaping with joy at the memories, skipping along memory lane following the wafting smell of garlic.

    on a silly, nitpicky note, I personally feel

    hand, 'til I would come for a

    that the 'til in that there line would read better as till, exactly the same word really, but without the apostraphe hanger-on. but yeah, that's just personal taste, and if you're feeling rather fond of the apostraphe then most certainly keep it. just a passing thought of a suggestion.

    and now I'm off to eat!
    | Posted on 2007-03-04 00:00:00 | by Icarus | [ Reply to This ]
      Another great write! Only one thing.

    I'm not familiar with "Embrassing" - did you mean "Embracing"?

    Other than that, I really liked this. It's so true of how we relate to smells, especially of food, and how we associate certain smells with different things or events.

    Great job!

    Cheers and God bless,

    ~Mandi~
    | Posted on 2007-02-19 00:00:00 | by Mandi Gayle | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice walk, almost as though it took my hand also. Of course the smell of good food (or even the thought of it) lends it's bias into the nature of man. Personally, I would have stayed until at least after supper!
    | Posted on 2007-02-19 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    135319

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry