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How Bright the Day


Author: siradrian
Elite Ratio:    4.87 - 213 /123 /68
Words: 106
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 856
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 668



Description:


A valiant effort at that difficult form (for me) the Vilanelle. I think it works


How Bright the Day



How bright the day
A morning born so still
What more to see and say

Scudding clouds are gray
blown by winds so shrill
How bright the day

Bright bursts of sun mid-day
To lighten mind and thrill
What more to see and say

Afternoon and we all play
In glowing mood upon each hill
How bright the day

The evening sun yet will not stay
As rolling clouds the daylight kill
What more to see and say

Darkened skies touch on the fey
Fairies light upon us still
How bright the day
What more to see and say.




Submitted on 2007-02-19 05:27:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  I don't know anything about the form you were trying to follow so you may decide to take or leave my comments :) I like your poem and the only suggestion I have is with the last stanza.

Darkened skies touch on the fey
Fairies light upon us still
How bright the day
What more to see and say.

Have you considered removing one of the lines to keep it moving consistant with the rest of the poem? I think that either of the first two lines could be removed and that would make it easier to read.

thanks for posting
ashik
| Posted on 2007-02-19 00:00:00 | by ashik | [ Reply to This ]


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