Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password


Author: siradrian
Elite Ratio:    4.87 - 213 /123 /68
Words: 140
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 916
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1107


This was my response the notion of "Sketch of the City". In the middle of hustle and bustle we are aone in a noisy wilderness.



where hoodies shamble blatantly
deficient in sensibility,
police yet absent
in their cars cocooned
all quiet, deaf

festering smells assault the senses
onions, burgers, pizzas, garlic
stinking out the gentle ways of yesteryear
no tears

urban waste left pustuled, baleful,
paper, plastic, little spoons,
sauce smeared pavements
and worse at night-time

half-naked girls staggering out of clubs and pubs,
screaming hoydens on the pull
spewing vicious words and cocktails,
drugs and needles cast aside
for toddlers play, and homeless squat

lorries crawl with cars beside,
fouling noisome air
all fight for supremacy
rousing limbs to move
in soul-lost throng
as the urban song
descries its wilderness

wilderness of clamour
hue and cry incessant
hurling to and fro.
space all lost given over,
lacking peace, .

Submitted on 2007-02-19 05:32:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  hmm ..... wilderness. interesting choice of word. the dirtiness you describe ...... could it be any other way?
| Posted on 2007-02-27 00:00:00 | by einjun | [ Reply to This ]
  You just perfectly described some neighborhoods. The whole poem was a description of a certain place and you were continually listing all of the things it is full of, and what is great about the last line is that you listed something it is missing.

"lacking peace"

Definitely an ironic ending and a good way to end it.

| Posted on 2007-02-19 00:00:00 | by just an angel | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?