[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: I Think I'm Crazydots

    Author: Twice
    Elite Ratio:    4 - 71/82/52
    Words: 86
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 893
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 639


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Think I'm Crazydots

    Tip toe,
    quite violence
    screams in my ear
    questions asked daily
    Am I crazy?
    Fat and Lazy
    Hazy blades of concrete
    Shave city streets
    So close
    Irrated conscious be
    bold and cold
    to kill and be killed
    he said she said
    stairs so crooked
    the scilence grows like mold
    flows like wine
    from the hands sublime
    bleeds bright red
    spoon fed to the mouths
    of passing clouds
    only to dissapate
    into the masterbating hands
    of God himself

    Submitted on 2007-02-19 16:34:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      spoon fed to the mouths
    of passing clouds
    only to dissapate
    into the masterbating hands
    of God himself

    i like those words and the way you used them. pretty good write ill read more later.
    | Posted on 2007-03-02 00:00:00 | by jermwerm | [ Reply to This ]
      for someone who thinks he's crazy, you sould like the sanest person i've read so far. And although this looks very depressing as an issue, i somehow don't think you are depressing or even that depressed, You're most likely looking at a situation that you hate and want to express it out.

    Somehow i don't feel the title does much justice to this piece. Although it does make a lot of sense in comarison to this piece, but the piece itself is worth much more than this simple title. Also get rid of the first comma. Noticing that you don't really have much punctuation, i think leaving the piece as a line after line kind of piece works well for it.

    Anyhow, loved these lines:

    bold and cold
    to kill and be killed
    he said she said

    You've done good. This piece was totally worth being read.

    Take care....


    | Posted on 2007-02-19 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]