[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: siren's calldots

    Author: blu_kittin
    ASL Info:    20/F/Garden of Eden
    Elite Ratio:    6.15 - 711/397/207
    Words: 170
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 670
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1037

       written on a challenge from a friend to write of something other than a man that haunts my heart and soul, and so i wrote of a woman's shade that tempts a lover to her fold

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotssiren's calldots

    the frothy waves lapped at the shore
    i sighed content, wanting nothing more
    my bare toes sunk in the grainy sand
    as i gazed out over the listless land
    an ocean of silky cerulean blue
    a parade of tides, ever true
    i heard the sirens song echoing
    against the sinking sun greatly glowing
    i watched the sunb begin to fade
    and that is when i saw the shade
    a vision in gold against the blue sky
    she called to me, her love a lie
    as she tempted me with all her might
    towards the shoreline in the inky night
    her voice enclosed me in a web
    of sultry fantasy and need
    she moved away as the water ebbed
    and wanting love, her words i did heed
    and crawled after her over silken pillows
    through harems of girls, thin as willows
    over glowing coals alight and flaming
    quite easily accepting my trial and taming
    and so i followed her fearlessly to the shore
    and so blindly i follow her ever more

    Submitted on 2007-02-20 12:52:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Oh, this is heady stuff...a wonderful pace with some excellent rhyme and fine vocabulary here ... a tad reminiscent of "da Man", EA Poe, himself ... excellent poem ... bravo ... bravo ... bravo... michael
    | Posted on 2007-03-05 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is really good. well written and rhymed, (the rhyming changed for a couple of lines, after reading it a 2nd time i thought, it fitted in well)the subject is also an interesting one, i wrote a poem on the same subject, (she called to me, her love a lie, and so blindly i follow her ever more) my 2 favourite lines, it also finished the poem off well.nice poem. nice work
    | Posted on 2007-02-20 00:00:00 | by bogeyman | [ Reply to This ]
      i really wish i had thought of writing about sirens...it's a really good idea and you pulled it off well...i enjoyed it and it had a good ending.
    | Posted on 2007-02-20 00:00:00 | by only_a_dreamX | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Fasade written by jackz
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    written by Daniel Barlow
    True Death written by layDsayD
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Every..... written by jackz
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    AI written by poetotoe
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]