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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: In his armsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: redeemer
    ASL Info:    19/female/venus
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 85/93/58
    Words: 243
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 668
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1578



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn his armsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I lay, this man by my side...
    Tears role down my face...
    But it's not because I'm upset...
    And it's not because he's hurt me...
    Rather, it's because of the way he loves me...
    It just brings me to tears...

    I watch his eyelashes flutter...
    As he lays asleep...
    The hair on his face feels like little needles under my hand...
    Yet, it soothes my soul to stroke his face this way...
    His face shifts and he leans his head into my hand...
    I kiss him...
    A smile creeps across his face....
    His dream continues...

    I turn away from him...
    And wipe my tears...
    I lay my head on the pillow beside him...
    I feel cold and shiver...
    He senses that I need him to keep me warm...
    And pulls me close and holds me tight...
    His muscular frame wraps around my body...
    I feel his heartbeat against my back...
    Soon we will dream together...

    I wonder how I became this woman...
    This female so in love...
    So fearless of the struggles ahead...
    So ready to spend my life with this man...
    Then I realize that in his arms...
    I am fearless...
    In his arms...
    I am stong...
    In his arms...
    I am everyting...
    Without him...
    Well I think that's plain to see...

    I love him so much...
    I am scared when he's away...
    I just long to always be in his arms...
    And be kept safe that way...




    Submitted on 2007-02-20 20:51:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like this. . .a lot. I think it should end at

    "Soon we will dream together..."

    I think you've said everything at that point. The last two stanzas do not add enough to warrant being there.

    Now, the first three stanzas are wonderful, very deep and engrossing images of love, that ooze with sentiment.

    Fav lines:

    "the way he loves me"

    "soothes my soul"

    "I feel cold and shiver"

    and of course the final:

    "Soon we will dream together..."

    I think it's the way you've written this, how the words are strung together, that brings the sentiment to the reader. It's simplistic reality, touches everyone. We all see ourselves in this. You give us a scene, one moment in time, and allow us to read into that from our own experiences. And in that is why I question the last two stanzas. The question is never answered and they sound as just compliments. But 1-3 are just jewels.

    Just my thoughts.

    Phil
    | Posted on 2007-02-20 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      This is sweet, it is exactly the way I feel about my partner.

    I feel cold and shiver...
    He senses that I need him to keep me warm...
    And pulls me close and holds me tight...
    His muscular frame wraps around my body...
    I feel his heartbeat against my back...
    Soon we will dream together...


    This is definately my fave part, would you mind if I showed it to him?

    Tink
    | Posted on 2007-02-20 00:00:00 | by babytinkerbelle | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    135533

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
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