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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Asylum Boy, Entry 16dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Darkess
    ASL Info:    12/Female/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.37 - 30/93/39
    Words: 560
    Class/Type: Story/Longing
    Total Views: 1139
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 4604



    Description:
       I need to start focusing less on the thoughts and more on the interaction. Dove's becoming so hollow. :P


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAsylum Boy, Entry 16dots
    -------------------------------------------


         Sad eyes. She only shows them every once in awhile, because the rest of the time she's focusing on hiding them.

         I think, sometimes she might forget why she's sad anyway. That'd be worse.

         ...

         I feel like some sort of philosopher now.

         The only thing left for me is these people. And maybe I'm just a bit worried that when, if I lose connection to this 'world' I've discovered, will it happen all over again? Was I insane to start with?

         Can I make myself better?

         ...

         I don't want to be here anymore. Not only is it boring, but this place is cruel and evil and... Beautiful, but I can't stay. Sometimes I don't want to belong here.

         ...

         I got to talk to her today. She seemed so happy compaired to the first time I saw her. Happy to see me? Or just another person? Maybe they gave her drugs.

         "Hi! Who're you and why are you here?"

         "I'm... Dove. And you're Lucianna?"

         "You're not supposed to know that, but yep. "

         She had this bright smile that made me wonder if she was keeping it on for reasons unknown to me. But something told me she wouldn't care less if I left. (Not like that bothers me.)

         "So... Why're you here?" She was talking.

         "In your room? I wanted to meet you." I smiled at her. Awkward, lopsided grin. Why was she acting so normal?

         "No, in the asylum."

         "Oh." I sat down across from her and tilted my head.

         Yep, I don't really want to tell her that... "I don't know. What about you?"

         "Same. No clue. But that doesn't really matter, cause I'll be out in a few months... Two if I'm good." She smirked. "And it's not like this is anything new to me..." She paused, shifting where she sat. "I've been to quite a few asylums... It seems like a record now, but it's not really a good thing. As you can imagine. Where're you from? My family's all the way down the road." She rolled her eyes. "They just moved here, actually... You know that city down the street? Yeah, they just had to follow me. We're actually from pretty far away, but you know..." She trailed off to stare at me, as if she was surprised I hadn't said anything yet.

         "I've never been outside the asylum."

         "In your life?"

         I nodded yes.

         "You're the boy Chance was talking about, then!"

         Oh, so apparently word had gotten around. "You know Chance?"

         "Yep. In a way. My mom... Well, she's not actually my mom, considering she's only five years older than me and we're not really related... She and Chance are friends. Really close friends. And Chance actually insisted on being my doctor."

         "Interesting."

         "You don't say much, do you?"

         "Not really. Keep talking, please."

         ...

         She told me about her life. She's actually really nice, but that smile still looks a bit forced. We're going to look around the asylum tomorrow, together. She insists I must know it better than anyone else here. I didn't tell her how I've barely been out of my room for a month. That's okay.




    Submitted on 2007-02-21 06:08:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I find that Lucianna reminds me of a girl I know, named Christina. She has the most amazing way of putting on a cheerful face, and everyone loves to be around her--but I know that she puts up with some serious crap, and because of that I can tell her happiness is forced. Sometimes I wonder if I should even bother, but I keep thinking that there's got to be a way for me to help.

    Why does that sound familiar...? Oh yeah. Just read it. Never mind...

    --crimson echo
    | Posted on 2007-04-25 00:00:00 | by crimson echo | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh, these days it's so hard to find someone to listen, isn't it?

    "When people think you're dying, they really, really listen to you, instead of just...
    - instead of just waiting for their turn to speak?"

    ~Fight Club

    The dying part isn't really applicable, but the waiting for your turn to speak...all the way.

    I think I've started a new trend. In each review I will leave you with a quote that your writing associates with.

    Cheers.
    ~Orin

    P.S. By the way, in case you haven't noticed, this is the last chapter. I have nothing to read. You need to quit school, lock your door and keep writing so I have something to review. Get to it! :D
    | Posted on 2007-03-04 00:00:00 | by Orin | [ Reply to This ]
      I was so happy to see this here. Haha, my kneecap is moving and it's hard to bend and straighten it..well without pain anyway. So, I'm home from school and I'm bored. Reading this gave me something to do..even if it only lasted a few moments. I really enjoy reading them. Keep writing!! <3
    | Posted on 2007-03-02 00:00:00 | by EbonyBlood | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, I love this story!!! I haven't commented on the others because I just sat down and read them all at once but in a whole I LOVE them. It's so original, I never would have imagined anything like this, it's amazing. The writing style is great to, I like reading things set up in kind of a journal form. It makes things really easy to read. The story line couldn't be better, and your a really good writer. I like the addition of the girl in this chapter as well, he needed someone closer to his age (or so i assume she is, it seems so) Added in with him. He needs somone to interact with and relate to in a way. Anyway, amazing, I can't wait to read the next chapter! Great piece, keep on writing (and fast, lol)

    Sarah
    | Posted on 2007-02-27 00:00:00 | by S.A.M. | [ Reply to This ]
      Can't blame Dove for being hollow he grew up in an asylum.The person he trusted most betrayed him.and so on and so on. Asylum Boy is literary version of crack.Addicting, heartfelt, and an overall amazing story in my view. and no this isnt biased because she is a friend.Damn Flamers T_T.

    Feepit,
    Eagle
    | Posted on 2007-02-24 00:00:00 | by (Eagle) | [ Reply to This ]


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    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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