Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Jane Came Backdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 186
    Class/Type: Misc/Satire
    Total Views: 758
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1173



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsJane Came Backdots
    -------------------------------------------


    when the wind blew this morning
    hair fell into my mouth
    a dismal air of hollow thought went right through me
    I'm scattered now
    terribly confused
    I love you all so completely
    yet
    I think happier times would be upon us all if I would just disappear

    or maybe give in
    break the branch that holds me

    maybe give up
    let go of the sky

    and it does seem so hard to wrap my hands around the sky
    Instead I should be falling down into her
    feeling my way towards space
    what is this stupid thought
    bothersome
    not sure if I should wrap my fingers round it

    but this wind was sent to me
    and I can't help but see a taunting pattern
    fractals in the tress make it all seem so obviously true

    that breaking a limb, that holds me
    or free falling into an endless amount of time
    would be foolish
    my heart is malicious
    ill intent wishes I cut her from my chest
    her sickness infects me
    tells my brain
    that
    she is
    Jane
    and not Jazmine




    Submitted on 2007-02-21 07:47:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Not much to say because this is absoulty beautiful.
    Favorite.
    By far, my most favorite.

    Great Write!

    necrotic
    | Posted on 2007-04-04 00:00:00 | by necrotic | [ Reply to This ]
      "when the wind blew this morning
    hair fell into my mouth
    a dismal air of hollow thought went right through me
    I'm scattered now
    terribly confused
    I love you all so completely
    yet
    I think happier times would be upon us all if I would just disappear"

    I think that this is really pretty. And sad. And I like it. And I wish I had someone to blame all my craziness on. I need someone...I think.

    Anywho...I like this poem.
    | Posted on 2007-03-06 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a very personal peice which is very uncharacteristic of you and that sort of worries me, but perhaps its time that you let out the things that eat at you instead of helping me with mine.....
    i really do wonder at the sanity, dear, but that is not my place to pry or comment....reality is blissfully skewed....

    and perhaps your right, perhaps it is a genetic thing that drags you into this mire of special-ness.....

    but at least your sort of happy with your set and life and you did quite exquisitly well on this piece.

    xoxo
    | Posted on 2007-02-21 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm, very good Jazmine, but it seems a little unlike you to write something like this. It sounds like a little bit of splite personalities mixed with suicidal tendencies. Not sure.... Anyway, good write, it struck as kind of odd though as I read farther into it. And I just saw it was satirical, so that may be the reason, lol.
    | Posted on 2007-02-21 00:00:00 | by Draigon | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    135571

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by ShyOne
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    prison written by ShyOne
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry