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    dots Submission Name: An...art a drug a curedots

    Author: I_m not Broken
    ASL Info:    17/F/IDK
    Elite Ratio:    2.75 - 91/98/68
    Words: 90
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 544
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 552


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAn...art a drug a curedots

    Its like and art a drug a cure....
    The blade slices her skin
    She doesn't feel pain only cleansing herself of sin
    Where this will take her, she just isn't sure
    To death? Or is it just a temporary escape
    Do they see what they do to her?
    Its turning into a violent rape
    Rape of her mind, consiousness lured
    Away far away from the light that shines up above
    Ripping and tearing begging to be pure
    Yet she seems....to be tearing away..
    All that she was seeking this time

    Submitted on 2007-02-21 12:55:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Enjoyed the imagery and introspection. I think u might have added an extra 'd' in the first line.

    You are close to finding your rhythm as a poet. Like the first guy said, just break it up a little bit. Generally, you want to have your rhyme scheme thought out, but it's not as neccesary as everyone makes it out to be.

    Always remember: tell as much as you can in one line, then move on. A lot of writers fall into the trap of dragging themes out to an obnoxious extent.
    | Posted on 2007-02-21 00:00:00 | by Jbills | [ Reply to This ]
      Pretty touchy subject... which gives it automatic goodness..

    As for the poem itself... you could rework it completely to make it better. Some things that you bring up like rape of mind, consciousness, ect. are good, but I bet you could come up with more vivid imagery or more emotive contexts to accentuate those points. The rhyme scheme seems pretty unnecessary. Also, it might be better if it was organized into stanzas. All these things you can do with just some more thought put into it. The emotion is already there.

    I hope to see some revisions.

    | Posted on 2007-02-21 00:00:00 | by broken_battery | [ Reply to This ]

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