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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: *Caribbean Magicdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Caotic_Disaster
    ASL Info:    16/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 447/349/148
    Words: 40
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 785
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 293



    Description:
       not finished yet ..tell me what u think so far .....thanx


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots*Caribbean Magicdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Peaceful waves clashing all around
    Dazzling sunbeams beating down
    Children frolicking in the near distance
    Hot guys galore strive to pick up stunning girls

    As the cruiseship floats along and twilight comes
    Couples dance under the star covered heavens




    Submitted on 2007-02-21 16:03:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This start is not bad although it feels like the lines have a "clipped" feeling to them, almost like this is an outline done in bullet format. Perhaps you could work on that a little to make it read a bit smoother. Just a thought on my part!
    | Posted on 2007-04-15 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]
      You got a really good start here
    If I were you I would add to the peacefulness of this write and maybe create a story ogf Love found on a cruiseship
    I like the lines you created they are very poetic
    Just adda little more and this write will be just as good as the other writes I have read of yours
    God Bless
    Ron

    Please keep in touch!!!
    | Posted on 2007-02-21 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm...it does have potential. Almost puts the reader on a cruise ship but fails to do that in this shortened state. You definately have a good start and it would be very interesting to see how you continue it.

    Thanks for sharing.
    | Posted on 2007-02-21 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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