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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Winds of Revolutiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: nomad knight
    Elite Ratio:    6.66 - 110/75/41
    Words: 282
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 768
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1744



    Description:
       This is also not one of my personally deeper poems but that wasn't my intention for this piece. It's also power metal inspired, but the words are completely my own.

    I'd like some feed back on this piece. I don't see it as one of my best, but i'd like any pointers on how I may help me touch this up a bit. and any commentary is welcome.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Winds of Revolutiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    Under all those years of oppression
    You attempted to crush our will
    But we have survived despite all your aggression
    And now our destiny we will fulfill

    In secrecy our numbers and strength has been growing
    Awaiting the time for us to rise up and take what is our right
    The time has come; the winds of revolution are blowing
    Our hearts burning with fury, our swords sharp for the fight

    With our banners held high with pride
    We gain momentum as we march unwaveringly ahead
    And know that the fury of this storm will not subside
    The steel of our swords wet and red

    Those imprisoned and chained have been freed
    Their once withered and gaunt bodies growing strong
    Taking back their wealth you stole in your greed
    Heeding the call to arms to right your wrong

    Behind our proud soldiers the masses gather
    Like a rising flood we are coming for you
    By the lust for freedom we stand together
    Bound by what we know in hearts to be true

    The men you’ve used to enforce your rule
    Cannot hold their ground or tighten your grip
    Paying in blood for the times they were cruel
    No longer shall lies pour from their poisoned lips

    Their screams echo in the waning night
    As they fall in battle against our blades
    All your guards will be crushed under our might
    Dying with your crumbling fortress and splintered palisades

    Your day of demise and judgment is near
    From your doomed fate there is no escape
    Now it will be you who’ll tremble in fear
    For the rage of the abused has taken shape




    Submitted on 2007-02-23 01:08:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hmmm. When I read it some how I could hear drums beating and see something not too far from one of the scenes in any war movie or something like lord of the rings when they are all sharpening thier swords and getting thier armor ready.

    As the former commenter has stated it is a bit wordy, also a bit repetitive at certain points. I think if you wanted to tidy it up a bit you could work on it but then again as it is, it definatly isnt that bad.

    Maybe if you tried to describe deeper what the people were feeling, with such things as the fiery depths or thier souls, or whatever you see fit then it would make the piece have more depth and color to it. But once again, its good the way it is and that was just an idea.

    Keep up the great work
    peace
    ~flora~
    | Posted on 2007-04-01 00:00:00 | by blankscreen | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very good story with a cause, purpose and a moral. It's not too long for a work such as this, but it's a little wordy on a line by line basis in some places which makes it a little hard to keep rhythm and some of the rhymes are not dead on. You did well to even attempt rhyme with such long lines.
    | Posted on 2007-02-23 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]


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    135795

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
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