The wind caused me to squirm and and shiver,
much like a person who drowned in the river.
Maggots swimming in my stomach as I devour a heart,
ripping the tendons and flesh right apart.
Smoking into clouds of illusion,
budding into a helpless intrusion.
My limbs sink into the crusty folds of a sheet ,
disapearing from my reality like seasons in fleet.
My mind has formed a coccoon of lies,
when time runs out a part of me dies.
I melt into acid and eat away your words,
I take your sanity and feed it to the birds.
Leave me alone! I will only hurt you more,
the things I have done you can never ignore.
Why must I be the one to be wrong?
your lasting neglect is stuck like a song.
Entrapped like a fetus with nothing but walls,
deaf to the pleading of unwanted calls.
I don't love you, there isnt a chance,
I'll do you one better and save the last dance.
| Like your style, but would suggest only one thing. Try to break up the rhyming with either a repeating word/phrase (Every 4/5 lines), or with a few lines that don't rhyme. |
Your description and language are quality, just work on the technical side.
|| Posted on 2007-02-23 00:00:00 | by Jbills | [ Reply to This ] |