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    dots Submission Name: The Last Dancedots

    Author: SammySueYou
    ASL Info:    23/f/nm
    Elite Ratio:    3.05 - 90/78/30
    Words: 172
    Class/Type: Poetry/Betrayal
    Total Views: 841
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1052

       Newest Poem About the Cheating Heart...Enjoy

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Last Dancedots

    The wind caused me to squirm and and shiver,
    much like a person who drowned in the river.
    Maggots swimming in my stomach as I devour a heart,
    ripping the tendons and flesh right apart.
    Smoking into clouds of illusion,
    budding into a helpless intrusion.
    My limbs sink into the crusty folds of a sheet ,
    disapearing from my reality like seasons in fleet.
    My mind has formed a coccoon of lies,
    when time runs out a part of me dies.
    I melt into acid and eat away your words,
    I take your sanity and feed it to the birds.
    Leave me alone! I will only hurt you more,
    the things I have done you can never ignore.
    Suddenly doubting!
    Why must I be the one to be wrong?
    your lasting neglect is stuck like a song.
    Entrapped like a fetus with nothing but walls,
    deaf to the pleading of unwanted calls.
    I don't love you, there isnt a chance,
    I'll do you one better and save the last dance.

    Submitted on 2007-02-23 01:10:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Like your style, but would suggest only one thing. Try to break up the rhyming with either a repeating word/phrase (Every 4/5 lines), or with a few lines that don't rhyme.
    Your description and language are quality, just work on the technical side.
    | Posted on 2007-02-23 00:00:00 | by Jbills | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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