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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Last Dancedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SammySueYou
    ASL Info:    20/f/nm
    Elite Ratio:    3.12 - 79/70/25
    Words: 172
    Class/Type: Poetry/Betrayal
    Total Views: 135
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1052



    Description:
       Newest Poem About the Cheating Heart...Enjoy


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Last Dancedots
    -------------------------------------------


    The wind caused me to squirm and and shiver,
    much like a person who drowned in the river.
    Maggots swimming in my stomach as I devour a heart,
    ripping the tendons and flesh right apart.
    Smoking into clouds of illusion,
    budding into a helpless intrusion.
    My limbs sink into the crusty folds of a sheet ,
    disapearing from my reality like seasons in fleet.
    My mind has formed a coccoon of lies,
    when time runs out a part of me dies.
    I melt into acid and eat away your words,
    I take your sanity and feed it to the birds.
    Leave me alone! I will only hurt you more,
    the things I have done you can never ignore.
    SCREAMING! SHOUTING!
    Suddenly doubting!
    Why must I be the one to be wrong?
    your lasting neglect is stuck like a song.
    Entrapped like a fetus with nothing but walls,
    deaf to the pleading of unwanted calls.
    I don't love you, there isnt a chance,
    I'll do you one better and save the last dance.




    Submitted on 2007-02-23 01:10:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Like your style, but would suggest only one thing. Try to break up the rhyming with either a repeating word/phrase (Every 4/5 lines), or with a few lines that don't rhyme.
    Your description and language are quality, just work on the technical side.
    | Posted on 2007-02-23 00:00:00 | by Jbills | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
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