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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Mosesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Erchomenos
    ASL Info:    19/F/Montreal
    Elite Ratio:    5.19 - 260/85/19
    Words: 184
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1343
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1216



    Description:
       Ahhh!!! It's the dreaded "I" and "You"!! Heheh... Well... in my defence this is the first poem like that that I post here. Not much of one, but hey...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMosesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    What if I don't want to go?

    What if these semi-barren
    Plains within crack and swell
    And burn with pain when
    Touched by holy lips?
    When the dirt is seared away,
    Burnt off by unburning flame,
    Will the pulsing, exposed
    Flesh remain pink and new,
    Never to be muddied again by shame
    And temper? I killed a man, you know—

    Hot Egypt sun beating down,
    I could have blamed Re, elicited pity
    From the nearby righteous. I ran.

    Why won't you leave me
    To my sheep, though you seem
    To have forgotten yours? This shepherd
    Staff you give me is no snake to
    Threaten Pharaoh into submission—
    Why not shoot lightning from the sky
    Instead of sending me, a broken
    Vessel, as some union representative
    To be mocked and jeered by
    Unwilling workers wanting only
    To keep their head down
    And the foremen waiting
    To call my bluff?

    I have lost everything already,
    Humbled and spat upon, I sleep
    A nomad's sleep, but dream
    A prince's dreams. Let me be.






    Submitted on 2004-06-08 00:31:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like this a lot. I think I would have not used upper case to start each line, but I'll bet your word processor does that for you, eh? The comparison to a union steward was a nice touch.
    Good job,
    Dave
    | Posted on 2004-06-08 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      great write...it has a very good idea/topic behind it and the way you twisted it is incredible...everything seemed to flow throughout the write...its very thought provoking...very good write...keep up the good work
    | Posted on 2004-06-08 00:00:00 | by morte | [ Reply to This ]
      wow! this is fantastic! i was reading through it and i got down to the 'i killed a man you know' and i was like what? and then when i remembered the title of the poem it made complete sense. this is awesomely well done and i love the end about the dreams... you are amazing you are! keep up the awesome work!
    | Posted on 2004-06-11 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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