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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Coffe Break(updated)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ygi
    ASL Info:    17/m
    Elite Ratio:    5.55 - 290/149/165
    Words: 111
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 467
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 687



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCoffe Break(updated)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    It's alright to be happy
    and for once I'm not sick
    but I keep in my mind that means you're
    probably off a bit
    maybe oh just maybe, it was that cocaine fix
    that you left me to worry
    like you have in the past
    more than a little bit worried but, too paranoid to ask

    pretty humming birds don't drive their own cars
    and they don't ride roads
    cause they won't take you very far
    but just like the sad lonely songs they imitate
    they put on a pretty show till they get hit
    by a winshield driver or a shooting star
    neither's gonna take you very far




    Submitted on 2007-02-23 19:22:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "It's alright to be happy"

    I loved that first line. There are a lot of things to be said about just those 5 words, but I won't bore you with that.

    I really just loved everything about this. I think your wording/rhyming style is marvelous, and it took me a couple tries to get it, but the rhythm is really nice once you figure it out.

    I know we're not supposed to be all compliments, but I have no criticism for this write. In fact, I am adding it to my favorites. Awesome job. : )
    | Posted on 2007-02-24 00:00:00 | by Venia | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    135852

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
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