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    dots Submission Name: Teethe the Titdots

    Author: Jbills
    ASL Info:    30/m/IL
    Elite Ratio:    3.52 - 57/68/29
    Words: 131
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 884
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 915

       Definitely a meh quality poem. Though I did write this while looking into the Atlantic Ocean one dreary day at Daytona Beach, I felt it could be more. The numbers are my syllable counts.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTeethe the Titdots

    Self loathing sanctuaries suffocated (11)

    Withstanding walls must be contemplated (10)

    Clutching a mic was never the prime objective (12)

    Too scared to have potential detected (11)

    Now I see it clear as I did that day (10)

    Humans were made to stray (6)

    Naturally inclined to have it our way (11)

    Created to transcend a tragic play (10)

    Better listen soon (5)

    Primetime news has been shotgun-groomed (9)

    Married to a blinding son (7)

    Divorced from dignity’s cocoon (9)

    Hypnotized flies will never leave the shit (10)

    But these new school newborns teethe the tit (9)

    Raised to drain enigmatic energy (11)

    Till our lives manifest one great stagnant synergy (15)

    Submitted on 2007-02-23 22:44:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Very Interesting! And this is only my first read. I like your outlook very similar to mine. Nice to see open eyes. I look forward to the next..
    | Posted on 2013-01-26 00:00:00 | by Darkwarrior | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey hey wait a sec, why is the syllable count next to each line? It's completely ruining the way most people would read it, e.g. imagine you were reading a research paper and suddenly a number pops out and says "Hi, I'm the syllable count". =.="
    Disregarding that, the rhyme scheme is changing, sometimes AAAA, or AABB. That and some of the lines that are too short disrupt the reading unless of course the rhyme is deliberate. Then I have to say it would be a problem with your flow that is throwing me off.
    However I like the last two lines. I think they're well written.
    | Posted on 2007-02-24 00:00:00 | by Azuire | [ Reply to This ]
      Man this is cool, as I was reading it the momentum picked up with each line,
    top write man; im gona have to ad it to my favs.
    | Posted on 2007-02-23 00:00:00 | by forfila | [ Reply to This ]

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