She sits there, content, on her throne.
The peasants wander by
She smiles and waves, a pleasant game,
With evil in her eye.
She counts the children one by one,
Whose souls will hers become,
With beauty-- quiet-- on her breath,
And poison on her tounge.
One boy cries out in pure disgust
At her eye's slit on he.
He knows her heart is tainted, sweet,
And she looks for victory.
She sits there smiling down on him,
Looks deep into his soul.
His body turns to dust and stone,
And now she has control.
| this is really good it could be alot better if you worked on the punctuation a bit and a couple of the lines are hard to read sort of takes away from the flow of it, for instance |
"One boy cries out in pure disgust
At her eye's slit on he."
hmm i dont know i feel like it would read alot better if maybe you werent so concernd on the rhyming or worked at the rhyming a bit.
Its has a great story behind it and has the potential to be a great poem.
|| Posted on 2007-02-24 00:00:00 | by Amanda Lynn | [ Reply to This ] |