[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Honeybeedots

    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 30
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 874
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 197


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    You felt my fury once
    that's all I have.
    I'm like a honeybee
    that managed to live after stinging
    and wishing that I'd died
    for the guilt is worse.

    Submitted on 2004-06-08 04:02:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Great idea - concerning honeybee. Bringing that sugar... that honey and stinging. Yes, a bee usually dies after such act, but it does it only in defence. You are very observant. It did hurt - I'm always amazed by the way you express such things. In Polish: "Jestem pod wra&#380;eniem sposobu Twojej ekspresji!".
    The poem did the point in just few words - I pay homage to Amy! [correct? wanted to find counterpart of Polish: "chyl&#281; czo&#322;a"]
    | Posted on 2004-06-11 00:00:00 | by Nightraven | [ Reply to This ]
      not quite wishing i had died but i did feel rather exceedingly miserable on a couple of occasions when fury unexpectedly escaped its quarters...
    nice one.
    | Posted on 2004-06-10 00:00:00 | by Judy | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes I like the word honeybee.
    It sounds soft and fluffy on 4 too-small wings.
    They weren't put on earth to feel guilt were they?
    I like that anomalous image.
    | Posted on 2004-06-08 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
      Another excellent simile. I have read this a few times and wonder, had the last line always been there, or did you add it as an afterthought? The reason that I ask is that after reading the first five lines I got the impression of that guilt, without being told. Anyway, good one as always,
    | Posted on 2004-06-08 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      Seems like the honey bee metaphor might be better reserved for a time when you or whoever stung and did die in some way. What the hell do I know, though, right? The last line is essential to your feelings, but it reads flat. I'd suggest changing it somehow, or dropping it altogether. I rather like the poem without the last line.
    | Posted on 2004-06-08 00:00:00 | by Black Rock Tractor | [ Reply to This ]
      the comparison between a bee sting and anger is great. your poem is very well written but I think you could drop the last line. it isn't necessary, the reader is told that indirectly through the poem before. but that's up to you. it isn't needed but it isn't bad either. I enjoyed your poem.
    | Posted on 2004-06-08 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is awesome. short, to the point and you let the words stand on their own rather than explaining them. that's often how you know you have a great piece... when you can skip verbosity and state what you want by not stating it.

    if that made any sense. also, i think bumblebeesare sweet, so you get bonus points there.
    | Posted on 2004-06-08 00:00:00 | by freeradical | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a great image... although i think perhaps it should be a wasp or a bumblebee maybe. i don't know. just a suggestion. the "honeybee" makes it sound too sweet and contradicts the fury part. funny, when i first read it, i read it as "you felt my furry once." lol! i like the last line, because it shows some compassion. that's where the "cuddledumplin" part lies, eh? me likey!
    | Posted on 2004-06-08 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
    A nice I'm sorry poem... I tend to be more guarded now but have definitely left marks with words and later been mad at my hornet sting self for being so vile...
    | Posted on 2004-06-08 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    written by Daniel Barlow
    True Death written by layDsayD
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Every..... written by jackz
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Linger written by saartha
    Push written by JanePlane
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Summer written by layDsayD
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Wavelength written by saartha
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Bond written by saartha
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]