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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: truth untolddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Kay
    ASL Info:    15/f/
    Elite Ratio:    3.72 - 216/197/68
    Words: 198
    Class/Type: Rant/Being a Teen
    Total Views: 667
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1115



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotstruth untolddots
    -------------------------------------------


    like the the color of water
    i am see-through
    like that one daughter
    i am to be untrue

    see life. from a birds eye view. hiding knives. its the picture i drew. masking my secrets held inside.

    abstian. avoid. the truth
    lie.. conceal. the truth

    like the petals of a rose
    i am noticeable
    like that one broken home
    i am observable

    see the art in the sky. creating rain, and lightning. see the damage inside a mind. creating confusion. can no longer sustain

    like the tiny branches on a tree
    i am. breakable
    like the broken glass of tea
    i am. unfixable.
    like the mind you can't see
    i am insane
    like the time of b.c

    i am too naive to obtian
    the truth of all this pain

    see the notes that aren't being played. see the broken strings on a violin. the stand thrown agianst the plain. and in the melody of symphonies. there is a portrait of truth. that wont ever be discovered. in us. the youth.




    Submitted on 2007-02-24 21:59:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      It was refreshing to read a new and different writing style, thank you for that. The lines
    "i am too naive to obtian
    the truth of all this pain"

    were my favorite, I believe it captures the whole piece, I can relate extremely well to it. You may want to check your spelling of "Knifes".. Thats the only critique I have...sorry it was so nitpicky and lame.



    Halston
    | Posted on 2007-02-25 00:00:00 | by Halston | [ Reply to This ]
      M not much of a commenter now.. so bear with me.

    This is full of whimsical, thoughtful imagery. You are somewhere 'there'. Somehow I had a feelin' that the relation between the said item mentioned and 'I' are a bit far-fetched... How can u make those bonds stronger? And always check your spelling before finalising.

    That's all I can say, and not help. I've lost my touch in poetry and can no longer help myself. My apologies.

    Ryuki.
    | Posted on 2007-02-25 00:00:00 | by RyukiTZR | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this alot, including the wierd writing style. The only parts I didn't really like, were the interlude like parts where you explained what you were like using similies. It wasn't bad, but I didn't like it as much as the rest, I'm gonna try and look into some of your other stuff in the future (within a day or so).
    | Posted on 2007-02-24 00:00:00 | by Ygi | [ Reply to This ]


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