"Don't say what you don't mean," Kate sighed swiping her long dark hair out of her pale face. Her frustration and sadness were evident in her seemingly meaningless movements, "Honestly, I don't want to hear what you think that I do. I just want you to be honest with me. You will leave. You don't have to remember me. I'm okay with that. I know you don't care as much as you claim. You just think I am cute. It is as simple as anything can possibly be. So by the by, you will say what you think that I want to hear, but I don't want to hear what you think I do. So stop, just don't say anything."
Kate's hand covered Jaden's mouth, "You will ruin it. It is perfect how it is. Don't ruin it with false promises and things you don't really want to say. Things that you don't mean."
Jaden brow furrowed in vexation as he stared up at Kate from his place nestled in the pillows, her face open and earnest as she looked down at him slightly frightened. Kate sat at the edge of the bed, one arm draped over Jaden's stomach, the other holding her index finger to his lips. He took her hand and set it next to his head so that he could continue. He knew what he said wouldn't change what she thought, or what she knew he would say. Kate knew it would only hurt her. She couldn't stand that kind of pain from Jaden.
Jaden didn't know anyone who didn't want to hear nice things even if they weren't true. "I don't know what you mean," he whispered to her sweetly. His voice was sticky sweet with slight denial and slight annoyance. He braced himself on one arm pushing up closer to her face.
Kate sighed underlining her feeling of frustration and pain, "Yes you do. Now stop. Don't ruin it. Just let it go. I don't want to hear your pretty words that will pull me in. I'm used to being used. Just leave it that way. Leave it so that I don't mean anything to you. I don't like having people love me. Love means pain. Love means emotional suicide. Love means nothing to most and everything to the rest. Don't say it. You will ruin it. Don't say I'm beautiful because I'm not. Just leave your thoughts at the door." She took a breath letting her mind and gaze wander away from Jaden's exhausted face.
Kates blue eyes sparkled sadly from her sorrow filled face. They glistened slightly with tears that would never fall, "Don't say anything you think I want to hear. Be honest. Don't play with me. Just say that you enjoy this."
She closed the final gap between them with a kiss. She did this partially because she enjoyed it and partially to make sure that the things that she didn't want to hear didn't come out of his mouth. She knew she would believe them. She did every time. I love you. I want you. I need you. You are perfect. You are beautiful. All that meant was that she was perfect to use. You are wonderful to make believe with. You are nothing to me but, I can make you believe you are everything. She couldn't stand the thought of him thinking of her like that, a beautiful, tragic thing that he could take advantage of. She smiled slightly and ran a hand over his close shaved hair.
Jaden pushed her away baffled by this act. He sat fully erect and distanced himself from her. "What are you doing?'
"I thought I was kissing you," she giggled with a tinge of nervousness that she hadn't had in this situation. She began leaning in again.
"No," he shook his head sadly pulling away from her. He moved down the bed from Kate, knowing that she was toying with him to hide her emotions, "You know what I mean, why are you doing this if you don't think that I care about you?"
"You enjoy this. I enjoy this. Let's not complicate it," Kate sighed running a hand through her hair that had come out of her ponytail, "I've been in way to many very complicated relationships. Leave this how it is....fun." Her words wavered off at the end, leaving it open to interpretation. She held her hand open toward him palm up like a peace offering.
Jaden stood up running his hand through his traditional army haircut. It was shorter on the side and longer on the top. He looked on edge, his body stiff and discomforting, "I think it is time to leave now."
"If that is how you want it. Then it is fine. I just don't want more lies. More false pretenses. More pretend. I think I am even done pretending. So I will give you what you want. I will leave but, I'm walking. Call me if you change your mind. You know the number," Kate said over her shoulder leaning over and picking up her sweater from the edge of the bed.
Kate stood to leave picking up her coat and shoes off the floor next to the bed. She stepped out of the room through the living room and out the front door. She began walking down the street humming "Into the Ocean" to herself. Her eyes were full of tears that she would never have leave her and she had a smile on her face. She knew he wouldn't come after her, and she was fine with that. Jaden wasn't meant to. He was going to leave anyway. She was temporary, just a game for now. Her bare feet made a slapping noise on the gravel. Her body was held with pride and decisive action that she had never had previously.
Jaden stood dumb-founded at Kate's departure. How did it turn out like this? He heard her bare feet on the gravel. He winced slightly at the thought of the broken glass on the way home. He knew she was bare foot, carrying her flip flops in her hand. She always seemed to be doing that. He felt like running after her, but didn't. He sat down on the bed and put his face in his hands.