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    dots Submission Name: Fantasy *unfinished*dots

    Author: babytinkerbelle
    ASL Info:    26/f/aus
    Elite Ratio:    5.25 - 310/209/42
    Words: 93
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 905
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 569

       Ok, so I know it's not very good but I had to get this off my chest, I do have to point out that this is not finished, I want to review and I will probably change it. But let me know what you think anyway. And maybe I'll tell you who it is about

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFantasy *unfinished*dots

    I wish you could see me
    Hear your soft sweet voice
    I wish I could touch you
    And feel your arms around me

    I know it is a fantasy
    I know it will never be
    Our fates lie elsewhere
    It's a silly little girl's dream

    I anticipate our weekly encounter
    Though you never see me
    I dream of the day
    We finally meet

    I know that day will never come
    For we live so differently
    Yet I await our weekly encounter
    So I can see you once again

    Submitted on 2007-02-25 03:26:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Well this piece certainly pulled at ME. There's nothing more heartbreaking than not being able to be with the person you love. No matter what the reason...it's just plain hard and it hurts....and I thought you captured that wonderfully here. The second stanza was my favorite...because although we hope and pray that we'll get what we want..we know deep down it's just a fantasy...that it will never be. I loved the line about fates lying elsewhere..because I guess that's my problem right now. Lives go different ways, and we're forced to give up on silly little girl dreams. I loved it. Great write. ~hailie~
    | Posted on 2007-02-26 00:00:00 | by loveispain | [ Reply to This ]
      While I know what you are trying to say, I do not feel it. This poem doesn't pull at you, and there's honestly not much feeling. I'd experiment with more powerful words.
    | Posted on 2007-02-25 00:00:00 | by Clarkie | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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