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Fantasy *unfinished*

Author: babytinkerbelle
ASL Info:    26/f/aus
Elite Ratio:    5.25 - 310 /209 /42
Words: 93
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 948
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 569


Ok, so I know it's not very good but I had to get this off my chest, I do have to point out that this is not finished, I want to review and I will probably change it. But let me know what you think anyway. And maybe I'll tell you who it is about

Fantasy *unfinished*

I wish you could see me
Hear your soft sweet voice
I wish I could touch you
And feel your arms around me

I know it is a fantasy
I know it will never be
Our fates lie elsewhere
It's a silly little girl's dream

I anticipate our weekly encounter
Though you never see me
I dream of the day
We finally meet

I know that day will never come
For we live so differently
Yet I await our weekly encounter
So I can see you once again

Submitted on 2007-02-25 03:26:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Well this piece certainly pulled at ME. There's nothing more heartbreaking than not being able to be with the person you love. No matter what the's just plain hard and it hurts....and I thought you captured that wonderfully here. The second stanza was my favorite...because although we hope and pray that we'll get what we want..we know deep down it's just a fantasy...that it will never be. I loved the line about fates lying elsewhere..because I guess that's my problem right now. Lives go different ways, and we're forced to give up on silly little girl dreams. I loved it. Great write. ~hailie~
| Posted on 2007-02-26 00:00:00 | by loveispain | [ Reply to This ]
  While I know what you are trying to say, I do not feel it. This poem doesn't pull at you, and there's honestly not much feeling. I'd experiment with more powerful words.
| Posted on 2007-02-25 00:00:00 | by Clarkie | [ Reply to This ]

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