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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Invitation(edit)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Clarkie
    ASL Info:    18/F/FL
    Elite Ratio:    5.33 - 101/76/36
    Words: 201
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 820
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1290



    Description:
       Okay, so I took out a few lines, and a couple of words, and am experimenting with line breaks. I have a very difficult time with line breaks. I tend to jsut write the poem any which way, because I prefer my poems to be read aloud, and one can insert one's own line breaks that way. Still, as I post most of it online, here's my attempt at making this poem more readable.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInvitation(edit)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Walking down the street,
    something about my hips moving
    turns the sidewalk into an auction
    Men shout bids out of moving cars,
    fragments of words touch my ears
    like blades
    I am sold for a paltry price
    to a toothless drooling visual junkie
    Can't go out at night,
    there are woman-eating shadows
    lurking behind every building
    My soul cringes,
    every time I hear a footstep behind me,
    a crunch of rubber on cement
    They don't care, don't know,
    that they are thirty years my senior
    'You need a ride?' is the mantra of the day
    Every slow car and every red light
    makes me tense,
    my shoulders hunch as I walk
    The stories of
    dead,
    beaten,
    crying,
    women haunt the streets,
    making every female figure aware
    Ears pricked with suspicion,
    mind sharp with anxiety
    If I smile into a car, am I inviting you?
    Does a tight shirt mean I must have room in my pants for you?
    You'll inform me of every lurid detail in your stimulated mind
    A drive-by humiliation in techno-color
    Just for the record,
    every smile is not an invitation




    Submitted on 2007-02-25 10:59:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hi,

    Great write, and a vivid depiction of our society at present, in most major cities, this is the sentiment, we are scared frail beings, even here if a person smiles or seem to be friendly you get mugged, or pestered by someone who would like to sell you something or trying to give you a pamphlet, or clean your window with a broken window cleaner, damaging your car in the process if you don't pay them.

    But this poem is about something different, woman dress the way the feel, if they feel sexy, then they will dress sexy, not to invite but because of the way she feels, some guys, see that as an invitation, cause of our sick world and probably because of the visual bombardment of the TV screen and movies NSVL, saying that it's ok.

    So that could be why a smile could attract unwanted attention, this society of ours is kind of twisted, and the world need to look at itself again and re-evaluate our actions and thoughts.

    Great write, very descriptive.

    The images that caught my I was:
    "A drive-by humiliation in techno-color"

    Kind regards
    Eric
    | Posted on 2007-02-28 00:00:00 | by bornx2000 | [ Reply to This ]


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