I really like your rhyme scheme. It really made the poem flow together. "The ocean floor awaits
Beckoning us all as it’s guest"
That's by far my favorite line from Voyage. I thought that was really clever.
I like the overall tone of the poem, too. It's very desperate sounding, but at the end, you get a sense that it's worth it; for a really noble cause-- new country.
Great stuff, sir.
This is quite good.You attempt some decent rhymes and use some nice vocab,though at times it feels slightly random and disjointed.
A few of the rhymes are a bit too tenuous I feel,like <sea/glory> and <free/country>.It seems hard to fit them into the flow of the piece,if you know what I mean.Overall though,I think it reads pretty well and I like the metre you use.
Cheers
A.C
Submission Name: Voyage
