[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: free I guessdots

    Author: just an angel
    ASL Info:    17/F/FL
    Elite Ratio:    3.89 - 95/109/59
    Words: 105
    Class/Type: Misc/Angst
    Total Views: 764
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 740

       I'm just a little depressed, no where near suicide. I actually hate suicide so I guess this poem is hypocritical. Oh well, enjoy.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsfree I guessdots

    It's happened again
    Just like before
    I'm fed up with it
    Why live anymore?

    Right here in my hand
    This shiny metal
    Will give me my end
    Help me to settle

    Just a simple, deep slice
    Across this fleshly jail
    All of life's worth
    Has tipped the scale

    Just a second of pain
    Then it's all finished
    This hellhole
    Will be diminished

    The note's on the bed
    There for everyone to read
    In it are my apologies
    And as they cry, I'll bleed

    So good-bye love
    Now everything will be right
    As an error is erased
    On this starry night

    Submitted on 2007-02-25 20:43:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      It's definately different than what I thought it was going to be. I'm always used to reading these cutter poems and this was a change from that. Kind of makes you think that you can take yourself out of this world so easily, and leave everyone behind you with a letter. Typical ending for a suicide, but I still like how you wrote it:)
    | Posted on 2007-02-25 00:00:00 | by HurtDeepDown | [ Reply to This ]
      You are clearly a good writer - this poem has nice flow and a fitting rhyme scheme. However, I think you are simply working with far too clichéd of a subject. It's too 'teen angst' and even with brilliant language, it won't be set apart from the crowd of hateful suicide poems that everyone wrote as a teenager. Keep working, and think about what you really care about. What makes you unique as an individual? Write about that and you can have well-written AND original poetry.
    | Posted on 2007-02-25 00:00:00 | by awastedsky | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]