I wonder if anyone ever feels that life is far more complicated than necessary.
Why do we do that? We think too much, worry too much, then drink too much and fuck it all up.
I guess itís typical of life to have an immense amount of questions and never enough answers. I wonder that if we could have the chance to have the answers, would we want them? And if we wanted them, should we be allowed to have them? Or are there somethingís better left unknown? Maybe we donít deserve to know. Maybe we do.
So whatís the point? Of life and love and being happy?
As a kid, I had such big dreams of how I wanted life to be. I wanted no regrets. I wanted to live my life as I chose, never comprising my happiness for the sake of others. I wanted magic and wonder. I wanted to never miss the little things of life.
Those are the most important in my eyes. Itís the little things that make life worth living.
But most of all, I wanted to actually live. And I donít mean eating and breathing in the physical sense, I mean actually living. Experiencing the way it was meant too.
I was one free-spirited kid, much to motherís disappointment. But why is that so disappointing? Why is that so wrong? Thereís so much more to life than what we can see on the surface. So much more, itís inconceivable. I think thatís what makes life so wonderful. I wish my mother could see that. I think my dad can see it, but heís afraid of it. Mostly because heís my dad and he loves me and heís worried about my life and my future. And thatís ok. But something tells me, that on the inside, he gets it. He understands. And I guess understanding is all we can ask for. I thank him for it and appreciate it more than heíll ever know, if only because I donít know how to describe how I feel. I love my mother too. More than sheíll ever know. I wish I could make her see, but Iím only human, and donít know how to make her understand.
Perhaps time will tell, perhaps not. All we can do is hope, and never stop hoping and loving and understanding and feeling and living. Most importantly of all, never stopÖI donít know what exactly, I just know we canít give up. Because then what is the point?
Maybe only God knows. Or maybe, we all know, but are too afraid to figure it out. And rightfully so. Itís scary. How can it not be?
Life is too deep, sometimes too strong for our minds to handle, which is why I say we can never give up, whether its hope or love, we just have to keep going, all the while hoping for the best. But our own best, not anyone elseís idea of what is best. Lifeís too short, remember? And itís far too beautiful to waste.
I guess we can thank God for that.