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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Morning Afterdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: homeless
    ASL Info:    30
    Elite Ratio:    7.61 - 29/18/23
    Words: 429
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 723
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2497



    Description:
       A different perspective on a common tale.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Morning Afterdots
    -------------------------------------------


    "WAKE UP!” implored the man in the mirror, on the door, beside the head of the bed.

    Wake up....
    Wake up....
    Wake up...

    Like a voice from beyond, the words echoed in his mind, above the alcohol induced din from the night before. Yet, to the voice’s origin he was oblivious. Sleep in his eye and yet another stranger beside him; he lay motionless as he pondered his next predictable move. Slowly, he slipped and slithered his arm from beneath last night's lust and waited quietly, to see if she would wake.

    Last night's lust lay motionless, pretending to sleep; knowing that waking up would only delay his next predictable move. She knew she would never see him again and the prospect of an awkward "Good morning" would only thicken an atmosphere that was already heavy with the musky soured smell of cheap wine and tawdry sex. So she rolled over in her false slumber, allowing him to find the freedom to enable his clever escape.

    A slight smirk briefly crossed his lips as he momentarily mused upon his stealth while he slipped from the bed and into his tired jeans. He grabbed his shoes, his shirt and nodded vague recognition to the man in the mirror as he slid cautiously through the open door. While hastily pulling his shirt over his head, he stepped into his shoes without regard for the laces and scanned the meticulously ordered room for his jacket.

    As the sound of the apartment door creaked open and clasped shut, last night’s lust breathed a sigh of relief and muttered an unintelligible oath to a god she swore did not exist. Lying in her bed she rationalized events, vaguely remembered, yet all too familiar; eventually allowing her mind to roam, jaded, amongst little girl fantasies of princes and posies.

    He stepped outside, feeling the cold yet liberating wind smacker against his cheek. Pausing a moment, he inhaled his recently won freedom and threw on his jacket, adjusting the worn leather collar accordingly. Casually pulling a cigarette from the inside pocket, he glanced both ways down the street as he lit, savoring his first drag of the morning. Warm and embracing, the smoke whispered self assurance into his lungs. Unsure of where he was, he planted the cigarette in his lips, inhaled deeply and turned left. He accepted his choice, confident it would lead him to the place he most wanted to be:

    Anywhere but here.




    Submitted on 2007-02-25 23:41:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      oh, this reminds me of a collaboration i did with another writer on this site. i think it's probably twelve poems long...? it was about two random strangers gettin' it on (to be entirely crude about it, hee) and then bumping into each other all over the place.

    this was an interesting jaunt into the male psyche. and how did you know that women pull that move all the time and let guys think they're the wiser, smarter, stealthier sex? for what it's worth, the language was snappy enough to keep my attention and i was fascinated. probably because i am the grand romanticizer (is that even a word? whatever, we'll go with it) and i like to believe that when the lights go on and you go home with whomever you happen to be standing around; that a love connection is possible.

    he doesn't know where he is, or where he's going.

    i've had some of those mornings.

    mmmand to be cliché, good write it really spoke to me i liked it.

    :)
    | Posted on 2007-08-12 00:00:00 | by freeradical | [ Reply to This ]
      This is my opinion. For what it's worth. I hope it's not too biased.
    I liked this. It was entertaining, fun to read, as far as subject matter goes. lol.
    I could easily relate, the characters seemed real (especially the man).
    LOL.I felt like smoking. After 7 years "without" it was easy to imagine that sensation of the first cigarette of the day.
    (Though I don't think I'd have lasted that long. I always smoked immediately after waking up. Drinks, too, unfortunately).
    The second to last paragraph felt like the theme of lust was being a little overdone.
    I thought the omniscient narrator (if that's the right word) was an unusual and rare devise.
    I was a little surprised to get the "inside scoop" on both the man AND the woman.
    I had the impression the author was a man.
    (If not, don't shoot me, though)...
    I think you could definitely continue the story from where you left off.
    Good work!
    -Jerome
    | Posted on 2007-02-26 00:00:00 | by Vasudeva | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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