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At ocean's break of waves upon submissive washed sands I stand in utter awe of a glorious sunset. Each ray of life touching Western Sky brings coming night they sing a welcoming refrain to the starlight's song. I open my arms to capture it all but still I cannot hold this power. For this is the strength of a sun burning for thousands of years- the strength of a born life giver This is the strength that cradled life in a loving Father's arms and beheld the enlightment of mankind. This is the Strength that pushed sailors far and long to distant lands to lands of their wildest dreams. This is the Strength that runs through my human veins and fills me so palpable that the roar rests forever in my ears ears now deaf from age. |
First, let me pick: S1: Should be “ocean’s”. “washing” doesn’t work – maybe “washed”? S2: The rays don’t bring the night, but there is always “poetic license”. Throughout this poem I notice an excessive use of present participles – submitting, washing [in a row, too!] touching, bringing, etc. After a while it dulls the ears from repetition. As for the “philosophical mood”, I prefer to think of it as thoughts – and great thoughts at that. I like the ideas a lot, and I like your approach to presenting them. I don’t care for some of the verbiage and feel it could use (and deserves) some editing. fred | Posted on 2007-03-02 00:00:00 | by fredmelden | [ Reply to This ] | |