Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: the fall from cloud 9dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: eagle wing
    ASL Info:    15/m/OH
    Elite Ratio:    3.21 - 29/34/24
    Words: 47
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 584
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 297



    Description:
       this i wrote a while ago but only recently found again =p...hope u like it


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe fall from cloud 9dots
    -------------------------------------------


    as you ride cloud 9 higher and higher,

    and with every breath getting lighter and lighter,

    the bliss is enormous,

    but when the cloud disappears,

    and sorrow and hate interferes,

    the fall brings nothing but tears




    Submitted on 2007-02-26 18:42:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I wanted to see a little word play on clo0uds and rain as tears. I would take out the word "and" from line 2, it seems to work better for me without it. I would have full stopped and put a space in after line three to give it a long thoughtful drama pause. And the last three lines rhyming distracted for me too. However I liked the truth of the words and they made me think enough to enjoy myself.

    Love
    Kate
    xx
    | Posted on 2007-03-27 00:00:00 | by elephantasia | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really true
    I believe what you are saying is no matter how much we trey to live in the positive their will always be shortcomings that bring Negativity
    Its how we perceive those negatives and change them to a positive that really makes the difference
    I for one can feel negative energy and to tell you the truth when I feel it no matter who or what it is I stay the hell away from it
    We are not truly happy as people until we find the positive to the negative trying to absorb us
    GREAT JOB
    God Bless
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2007-02-26 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    136127

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    The World written by jjd
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Mystery Read written by kyserin

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry