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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: the fall from cloud 9dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: eagle wing
    ASL Info:    15/m/OH
    Elite Ratio:    3.21 - 29/34/24
    Words: 47
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 598
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 297



    Description:
       this i wrote a while ago but only recently found again =p...hope u like it


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe fall from cloud 9dots
    -------------------------------------------


    as you ride cloud 9 higher and higher,

    and with every breath getting lighter and lighter,

    the bliss is enormous,

    but when the cloud disappears,

    and sorrow and hate interferes,

    the fall brings nothing but tears




    Submitted on 2007-02-26 18:42:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I wanted to see a little word play on clo0uds and rain as tears. I would take out the word "and" from line 2, it seems to work better for me without it. I would have full stopped and put a space in after line three to give it a long thoughtful drama pause. And the last three lines rhyming distracted for me too. However I liked the truth of the words and they made me think enough to enjoy myself.

    Love
    Kate
    xx
    | Posted on 2007-03-27 00:00:00 | by elephantasia | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really true
    I believe what you are saying is no matter how much we trey to live in the positive their will always be shortcomings that bring Negativity
    Its how we perceive those negatives and change them to a positive that really makes the difference
    I for one can feel negative energy and to tell you the truth when I feel it no matter who or what it is I stay the hell away from it
    We are not truly happy as people until we find the positive to the negative trying to absorb us
    GREAT JOB
    God Bless
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2007-02-26 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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