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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: usureta hikaridots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mieko
    Elite Ratio:    3.98 - 253/209/99
    Words: 84
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1142
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 674



    Description:
       Usureta hikari means "fading light."


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsusureta hikaridots
    -------------------------------------------


    A brilliant,
    perpetual,
    light.
    It...
    bursts like a bullet through me--
    All those scratched-up spaces
    Where there are pieces amiss.
    The experiences of life--those which what made these holes...
    So what's left is...
    It�s your light, your piercing light.
    You can see quite clearly through...
    To the other side of this
    Shadow.

    (2)


    Light-
    shining
    Forgetting what it's finger's can't touch,
    Shadows prance just far enough,
    So that the truth won't completely:
    Blind us.






    Submitted on 2007-02-26 23:37:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Sing should be sings. Um...I think Joey covered the other nitpicks I have. Just a few punctuation things, but you can clear those up.

    I love titles in other languages; this one grabbed my attention. The part about atoms singing was nice; reminded me of The Effect Of Gamma Rays On Man-In-The-Moon Marigolds. Nicely done.

    melora
    | Posted on 2007-04-17 00:00:00 | by Melora | [ Reply to This ]
      I absolutely LOVE the last line of this! Nice work here.

    Couple of nits:

    I would delete 'simply...' - I htink you make your point very nicely without it. I'd also delete 'And;' - let the next stanza flow; you don't need that conjunction there since one flows into the next.

    Nice work!
    | Posted on 2007-03-10 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]


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