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    dots Submission Name: usureta hikaridots

    Author: Mieko
    Elite Ratio:    3.98 - 253/209/99
    Words: 84
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1142
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 674

       Usureta hikari means "fading light."

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsusureta hikaridots

    A brilliant,
    bursts like a bullet through me--
    All those scratched-up spaces
    Where there are pieces amiss.
    The experiences of life--those which what made these holes...
    So what's left is...
    It�s your light, your piercing light.
    You can see quite clearly through...
    To the other side of this


    Forgetting what it's finger's can't touch,
    Shadows prance just far enough,
    So that the truth won't completely:
    Blind us.

    Submitted on 2007-02-26 23:37:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Sing should be sings. Um...I think Joey covered the other nitpicks I have. Just a few punctuation things, but you can clear those up.

    I love titles in other languages; this one grabbed my attention. The part about atoms singing was nice; reminded me of The Effect Of Gamma Rays On Man-In-The-Moon Marigolds. Nicely done.

    | Posted on 2007-04-17 00:00:00 | by Melora | [ Reply to This ]
      I absolutely LOVE the last line of this! Nice work here.

    Couple of nits:

    I would delete 'simply...' - I htink you make your point very nicely without it. I'd also delete 'And;' - let the next stanza flow; you don't need that conjunction there since one flows into the next.

    Nice work!
    | Posted on 2007-03-10 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]

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