As i slowly cut you open...
Watching the blood leak out..
Letting all the hate die simply..
Letting all the life you ever had Fade away..
Let half the pain that you caused me...
let the blackness of death wrap around you...
Makeing you cold..
Let me cut you open
| details, detials brother. tear the skin to tell the story.||| Posted on 2007-03-01 00:00:00 | by AeThe Lost Poet | [ Reply to This ] || Your writing speaks to me. It makes me know others hate too.||| Posted on 2007-02-27 00:00:00 | by bigothgurl | [ Reply to This ] || good work my friend good imagery .. I do like it ..really |
|| Posted on 2007-02-27 00:00:00 | by muhammed | [ Reply to This ] || It seems the way you want it to feel is cold and stark. i suggest adding some kind of contrasting point to accent the cold bloodedness of it. And less"...." things. Also it seems to more of a statement than a poem. please dont take it the wrong way or do but its like dirty old hobo Joe just jumped me in the alley and guts me right there. If you want to make art twist the knife a little, crank it up a knotch. I dont know maybe I try to hard for very little result but whatever. take the consul or leave, it i'm no english master. sound genuine enough for ya||| Posted on 2007-02-27 00:00:00 | by disillusion | [ Reply to This ] || hmm. its good, but i think it'll be better if you put more deatil into it. and you might wanna take a look at the 7th line. =]|
|| Posted on 2007-02-27 00:00:00 | by AdrienneCale | [ Reply to This ] |