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Model Poem: The Other Uncle

Author: iHaveNoName323
ASL Info:    23/M/NC
Elite Ratio:    5.6 - 37 /37 /26
Words: 161
Class/Type: Poetry /Dark
Total Views: 923
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 958


modeled after Peter Cooley's poem The Other

Model Poem: The Other Uncle

When you come to the other side of preserverence,
you will be lead into temptation,
that whore you call a wife,
will be like Eve and introduce you
to a forbidden thing
and like Adam you will take it
and fall from grace...

When you come to the other side of sanity,
your life will spin in circles
and you will cower,
an on going struggle with crack
and your whore of a wife will leave
your kids will be abandoned
and yet, will you even care?
As you place the gun in your mouth
no longer a will to live

When you come to the other side of life,
you will realize
that you just blew your brains out
along the wall,
a wasted life if you ask me,
you could have sought help
and lived on
but no, you were a coward
and took the easy way out
and now you are most likely in hell

Submitted on 2007-02-27 03:17:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  When I started reading this I really enjoyed the idea and presentation, (Btw is that perseverance at the end of the first line?)

I did find though that near the end you changed style and, it seems, language.
Was this intentional?

Was this aimed towards somebody in particular? I've not read the work that inspired you so I cannot compare, I just find it strange, confusing and intriguing that each stanza starts with "When you" as if talking in rhetoric but the the work ends with, what seems, a personal attack on a specified person.

Did I get this wrong?
| Posted on 2007-09-14 00:00:00 | by Localfreak | [ Reply to This ]

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