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    dots Submission Name: Night on the beachdots

    Author: Ghetto_King
    ASL Info:    19 m ft. lauderdale
    Elite Ratio:    0.76 - 4/33/54
    Words: 280
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 733
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1594


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNight on the beachdots

    As kisses evolves to flesh molding laying your back against the sand on the oceanís shore
    As the sand moves into the position we lay and explore
    As our tongues become untwined and your neck I taste
    Moving your legs apart with my hips and hands the case
    Pushing them too there farthest point, as it takes notice in the sand
    As your face ready`s for my entry as inside you I now land
    As I slide in and out of pleasures door exploring your inís and outs
    Like a little child exploring new places of foreign land the route
    You, wet as the oceans bank as grinds and strokes intensify
    Covering ever thought or fantasy as my manhood in your body thrives
    As I hit your inner g spot time and time again leaving your heartbeat running wild
    As your moans let me know Iím doing everything right with my stroke, kiss and style
    Making your toes curl as I drive your pleasure glands wild
    As orgasm trinkle down like a wolf you howl
    Like water falls from inside you orgasm continue to travel down
    As our love making becomes one with the oceans sound
    As we continue in our passion filled night on the sandy ground
    Feeling like a roller coaster ride with peaks up and down
    As I flip you over ,back arch and inside you again I stand
    Knowing every move you want me to make because Iím your man
    This night almost ready to end so like a wave you ride it out
    Forever remembering this night on the beach
    As the climatic ending too this evening is reach

    Submitted on 2007-02-27 14:56:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Wow this was hella sexy...I did find small errors..like spelling errors:


    "For being outside you too in you I now land"
    I know what you mean, but that doesn't make sense..I suggest you fix that line

    "As Iíll love making becomes one with the oceans sound"
    I'm not sure what that meant..you should fix that..I'm guessing you mean..our love becomes one somethin like that?

    "As I flip you over back arch as inside you again I stand"
    this line should be fixed to:

    "As I flip you over your back, you arch while inside you I compile"

    i think that sounds better..

    man you got some fine lines here..

    "Covering ever thought or fantasy as my manhood in your body thrives"
    that would be my favorite part

    I don't know actually, because all of it is my favorite..overall excellent..very erotic, I'm lovin it..with a little ghetto style..

    Don't forget to go over it, correct the small errors..I'm thinkin of adding it to my favorites..

    Great write,
    | Posted on 2007-03-21 00:00:00 | by Ani | [ Reply to This ]
      good use of detail... but a little too graphic for me. but an otherwise good write.
    | Posted on 2007-02-27 00:00:00 | by AdrienneCale | [ Reply to This ]

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