[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Paper Bridgedots

    Author: Soulraven
    ASL Info:    31/Male/Illinois
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 510/481/142
    Words: 182
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 456
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1244

       Sorry about the spaces i fixed that.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPaper Bridgedots

    Perfumed and scared
    Of little green men,
    Unfelt wounds
    I wish to mend.
    Tell her the sky is safe
    Only with her by my side.
    She closes her eyes,
    Pain never subsides
    Without a little aid
    But I'm a paper bridge away.

    Deny and cry
    Let the tears fall
    It gives me an excuse
    To hold you.
    Tell me of misuse
    Pull all my strings.
    Let me fall for you
    And all it brings.
    Tell me what you miss
    Let me cure it with a kiss.
    I'll make the nightmares fade
    From a paper bridge away.

    Gentle, Mental steps
    I take off the ledge.
    I might seem forward
    But I'll steal and borrow
    To see you again
    Because someday
    I won't see tomorrow,
    But it's okay
    We still have today
    And I'm only
    A paper bridge away.

    Now, I'm running
    Across the frail crepe
    I think about your face
    Your tears soften the way
    I don't care if it breaks.
    Even if it falls apart
    I'll rebuild the bridge,
    It's the only way
    To your heart.

    Submitted on 2007-02-27 16:41:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like your use of the metaphor of a paper bridge. A very fragle thing, but I also like that its easy to rebuild.
    Great write!! Thanks for sharing.
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2007-11-19 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      I love your metaphors and your word use. This is one of those writings that really gets a person thinking, and I commend you for that.

    But the problem with rhyming is that you absolutely have to stay consistent and steady in your flow and rhyming scheme, or it starts to become difficult to read. While the reader struggles to make the words fit in rhythm, they get distracted from what's actually being said, and then they lose the point of ever reading the poem in the first place. The best advice I ever got (however insane it makes you sound should you be overheard) was to read my poems out loud to see if they sound as good outloud as they seem to in my head.

    But I really did like this piece.

    Keep writing.
    | Posted on 2007-02-27 00:00:00 | by Venia | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    AI written by poetotoe
    Fasade written by jackz
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Push written by JanePlane
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    I Do, I Do written by poetotoe
    written by Daniel Barlow
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Carry written by saartha
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    What happens written by Wolfwatching




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]