Description: A poem to portray feelings of remorse about someone you never really had or ever could have... you've said goodbye but the memories linger on and the emptiness remains heavy in your heart.
for me; too much description for a minimalist work. but there it is; pottery in the ether is harder to put across if you can't hear a voice or see the inadvertant nods nodded by the reader of the pom.
but too many clues still...
and you keep it short don't you but in this one well, it is difficult to roll one idea into the next because of your phrasing maybe:
...forgiven
for reminding me
(of wings unfurled)
of inspired melody;
of absolute doubts
and the mockery of humour gone awry
but you are kept as solace
(a)part of my transient glory -
you graceful gift
you lesson in being dry...
whatever.
we right what we write and you write from the heart it seems - but don't tell so much; rely on show...
i know you posted this a while ago but i saw you on the sign in page and thought i would see what you had going on here...
i enjoy your work.
always have.
something about the minimal way in which you are able to convey your ideas is fascinating to me... i have to ramble for years to say the same thing. i think you are amazing
i think though that if you hadnt have said in your description what it was you were intending when you wrote this piece that i woudlnt have understood it.
i really enjoyed the first stanza though... the thoughts and ideas in it... they seem so craftily put together... i guess they resonate within me
i hope to see you post something new sometime soon
your messages are always a bit cryptic but full of beautiful language. I often tend to write in just ordinary phrases and have sort of lost the knack of getting my emotion through. but I keep trying! you have a special talent for it though and I love your short but sweet vision.
Mmmmm....some of the language you chose gives this an almost Seraphic sentiment.
Wings, melody, glory, grace....
All tinted with the shade of doubt, mockery, transience, and aridity.
i can't help but wonder if there shouldn't be a "you are" to start the whole poem off with a new first line. I can see where the way you've written it 'en media rez' lends to the immediacy of the piece though. Its as though the poem is interrupting your thoughts....and perhaps leading you around to a yet deeper understanding.
I like that the ultimate message of this poem is that you have learned from knowing them, and that is a gift indeed, that you will carry forever. No matter whether a person impacts us positively or negatively....ultimately, either way, people are often life's best teachers.
(a lesson i am newly learning)
This is a timely piece for me to read.
So glad to see my eldest stalkee coming back around.
Submission Name: Reprieve
