[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: US and THEMdots

    Author: Thief
    ASL Info:    22/male/plainview
    Elite Ratio:    4.8 - 180/80/69
    Words: 141
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Serious
    Total Views: 505
    Average Vote:    3.6667
    Bytes: 867


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUS and THEMdots

    she says she loves him
    he thinks he found his reason to live
    now she's gone with another man
    and he puts the gun to his head one final-time

    some people in this world are so greedy
    and the rest of us fall into "stupidity"
    they go get what they want
    and we do anything for them
    they take but never give
    and we stand alone, mad at ourselves!

    its their greed that brings this pain
    but our loneliness teaches us
    their greed will grow
    our stupidity will lessen
    they will have nothing
    we will have wisdom

    we'll find that someone
    our wisdom helps decide if their the one
    don't give up
    you'll find em
    and to garantee this
    we know the difference between US and THEM

    Submitted on 2007-03-01 16:25:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Betrayal, its so painful to go through... I've known my own betrayals and pains, but they are what made me strong today. Strong enough to forgive and live. We, as humans, are capable of so much destruction... But there is also a potential for good in all of us. I feel positive about the future. Life will find a way.

    - Sharon -
    | Posted on 2011-01-21 00:00:00 | by ShadowsnLights | [ Reply to This ]
      hey aaron,
    well...this one sure does hold potential of a good poem...need a lot of work and tweaking though...i really like the flow of emotion through out...but sure needs better choice of words...more powerful ones...if you know what i mean?

    i have this thing for typos...they get highlighted italicized and bold in front of my eyes when i read 'em...lots of typos through out the poem...

    for example...
    its ~thier~ greed that ~bringss~ this pain
    but our ~lonliiness~ teaches us
    our wisdom helps decide if ~thier~ the one
    and to ~garantee~ this

    i hope you dont take this hard...you have immense potential...just needs fine tuning...

    let the quill spill the blue blood of emotions...

    as i am
    | Posted on 2007-04-05 00:00:00 | by psychoneurosis | [ Reply to This ]
    | Posted on 2007-03-01 00:00:00 | by Jessica Lynn | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Summer written by layDsayD
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Push written by JanePlane
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Every..... written by jackz
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]