Description: I guess I watch a lot of TV shows and know of historical situations where many people died but could have been saved only if someone or enough people bothered to help them
Wow, that grabbed me from the first line. At first, because of the description I guess, I thought it was going to be about ancient battles or something. But, wow, this was awesome! The only think that tripped me up was in the last stanza, first line. I spent a little while looking at where you've written 'lie' wondering if it's just me or does that sound strange there. Maybe I'm just in a peculiar mood. Whichever, just a thought. Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed this work! If you weren't already on my Favs list I would add it.
This was very very good. I like the use of shock words and phrases in a poem or in prose...i think our society has become so apathetic to the shocking, that when you are actually able to do so, you should take full advantage of it bc that seems to be the only way to get the message across...i really liked it a lot...i think you had a good choice of diction for what you were trying to portray.
This was very, very good. I have on very small critiscsm, and please keep in mind it is very small, and that is the rhyme scheme being so repetative. This can often completely ruin a poem and make it feel forced. However, your lack of care for being sometimes brutal (semen and bleeding virgnity often not being used, but something I like when used well) honesty made it seem so sincere that it was of little concern. However, keep in mind that had it not been perhaps such a good topic you felt so strongly for, the repetative rhyme scheme would of stuck out more, and the poem could still be improved by altering that, although as I said, in this case it doesn't really hurt it much. I think you know what I'm getting at, I have trouble explaining things. But yeah, this was good.
This is one very deep write where I feel you are sadly talking of how different people have been taking advantage of and sadly in some cases seem to have died when just like you said if someone ANYONE would have intervened then this tragedy would not have happenend
I think you did very well with this and I would encourage you to maybe send this in to a newspapers editorial to be published
Excellent Job this is filled with a lot of inner emotion
God Bless
Ron
Please if you get a chance please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
Thank You
Ron
Submission Name: Selfish Acts, Fatal Consequences
