Don't take this the wrong way,
but your feeding yourself an excuse; an excuse to not try,
I don't think your shallow i think your contempt,
I know its a hard road to follow back, but hey one step at a time is all it entails, if you can sense the truth grant yourself the choice,
it's something you owe yourself, there's know rush, sow the seeds and you could wait for years and then all a sudden you could become flooded in five minutes.