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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Thoughtsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Lil gal
    ASL Info:    32/F-ya/here
    Elite Ratio:    3.19 - 355/216/36
    Words: 51
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 987
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 395



    Description:
       I just wrote this and I don't know why, but it's here.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThoughtsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Whispers inside my brain,
    Lingering thoughts that remain,
    Far too many to explain.

    Pounding
    Pulsing
    Pumping

    Falling like a fierce rain,
    Quickly going down the drain,
    Doing nothing but causing pain.

    Never anyone who feels the same,
    Always the one to be the bane,
    Nevermind, I'm just insane.




    Submitted on 2007-03-03 02:22:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the last stanza, it's what I've felt before, and will feel again.

    Just a suggestion, feel free to ignore: What if you changed "Doing nothing but causing pain" to "Bringing nothing but pain"? Or even "Doing nothing, causing pain", because in my opinion the "but" makes the sentence 'bumpy'. Again, it's just me.

    If you ever need someone to talk crazy stuff with, just PM me. :)
    | Posted on 2007-04-26 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]
      A nice drum-beat of poetry ... it carries us away like a flood ... the meaning is less important than the sound .... I liked this poem a whole bunch ... bravo ... bravo ... bravo ... michael
    | Posted on 2007-04-17 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
      Excellent poem. Loved it. I really like rhymes, I do them all the time. I wish others would. It can still be a poem full of feeling and emotion. But everyone seems to have forgotten the notion. (Great. Here I go rhyming again. Will this cycle never end? Wait, I think I've used that line. Let's just say I've lost my mind.) Guess we're all a little insane. Some more than others, but just the same. Guess it's all just Futile in the end. (A shameless plug, but I'll slip it in.) I wish the poem were a little longer. I hate to see good things end. I wish I could make a resevior to hold my thoughts. It seems all the good ones go down the drain, and all the bad ones we retain. Well, I've said far more than I should. I'll finish again saying it's good.

    The Bird
    | Posted on 2007-04-03 00:00:00 | by Swimming Bird | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm a lover of rhyme and enjoyed reading this poem! The ending was quite clever with "Nevermind, I'm just insane."
    There's a dab of insanity in us all, I'd guess; that's what makes us interesting people/poets! Pen on, Sharon :-)
    | Posted on 2007-03-13 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
      thanks for the reply, and kind comments love the use of adjectives and the flow of the poem. truly honoured by my poem being picked by you as favoured ..............

    check you out on the literary side.........


    peace out.
    | Posted on 2007-03-12 00:00:00 | by temporal nights | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes, I have those days when it seems my mind won't let me be! I liked the pulse of this and it fit the piece - and thank God we're insane can you imagine being "normal"??!!

    love,peace,joy&smiles to share
    tif
    | Posted on 2007-03-05 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      nice work....ahh, the way our minds can tumble and run around like a squirrel on speed..lol..
    keep the good ones and trash the bad...
    ttyl :)
    | Posted on 2007-03-04 00:00:00 | by DesecratedDream | [ Reply to This ]
      there are times that i feel this way but...

    stop thinking and do or say what FEELS right
    i love the poem by the by
    :)
    | Posted on 2007-03-04 00:00:00 | by Emurc6 | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh yes I can totally relate to that feeling,
    it's like your thoughts are bouncing of walls,
    and you try to tame them for so long; it's easily excepted to know on some level your insane.

    Well writ
    | Posted on 2007-03-03 00:00:00 | by forfila | [ Reply to This ]


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