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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The falling of hopedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LadyMerlina
    ASL Info:    24/ F/ Montreal
    Elite Ratio:    3.07 - 60/93/58
    Words: 173
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 463
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1001



    Description:
       


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    dotsThe falling of hopedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I lost you.
    You moved away and your number changed.
    I smile and remember,
    you werenít much of a caller anyway.

    I said I had moved on.
    That I wasnít going to wait for you.
    But I realise, itís all I really do.
    I wait for you to live and grow up
    And be the man I know you will be.

    I guess I have to say goodbye now Tommy.

    For me, itís the end of a dream.
    The falling of hope.
    I wake without you but not alone.
    With a secret I tell no one.

    Youíll always be the love that torments me.
    Youíll be my secret mourning.
    Let me just say,
    the shadows never looked so becoming.

    Iíll hold your memory near me
    as a love lost, cherish it at any cost.
    Your name written on my skin
    in a language only I can comprehend
    Like my tragic secret within,
    for a love that was never meant to happen.






    Submitted on 2007-03-03 11:19:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Very simple. The vocabulary could use some zest. But overall, the concept is very well sweet. It is relatable and it is a personal attestation of what we all end up going through. I can completely connect with you when you mention this Tommy character not being much of a caller. And as much as you seem to sort of withdraw from that statement, it shows a depth of your character (somewhat passive, I might say in this situation, maybe because you have accumstomed yourself to not expecting any call from him?) and it shows a trait of Tommy- not very open to communication, or comfortable communicating over the phone, etc.

    Picks:

    "But I realise"

    But I realize. I believe spelling it with an 's' is the British way, not the American way.

    "in a language on I can comprehend"

    In a language only I can comprehend.

    Best line of the poem:

    "...the shadows never looked so becoming."

    Is the internal rhyming throughout the last stanza intentional?
    | Posted on 2007-07-27 00:00:00 | by JenFlynn | [ Reply to This ]


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