[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: logosystemicrophrenologydots

    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 35
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 592
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 326


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    there's a certain
    dissatisfaction with this
    tesselated blend
    of thread
    like cataracts
    in a Dali landscape
    dripped onto a sonic
    of bright, brighter, brightest...


    beautiful, yes
    but not memorable

    Submitted on 2007-03-03 12:05:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      HI Bill,

    I have no idea what this poem means, which I guess is ok, but I love the brilliant assonanace of "...tesselated blend of thread descending..."

    The whole thing makes me think of an MRI machine, but I don't exactly know why.

    | Posted on 2007-06-23 00:00:00 | by annie0888 | [ Reply to This ]
      I do have a handle on phrenology as it is the science of mapping out the brain by using the skull in hopes of predicting ability.

    I think you're saying her noggin is empty even though she's a beauty, what good does gazing at her prove, in the long run?

    And this one is so true to your form and still different
    I like the line breaks and the use of bright in degrees
    as we fall off the edge of Dali's time line.


    | Posted on 2007-03-17 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
    They, the manifest dreams which crumble
    onward into cups and saucers
    made of orange peel and goodnights
    laced with goodbyes and the squeal
    of doors slamming

    If ever
    you come this way
    draw me a picture
    the embraces of liquid notes
    trailing chiaroscuro light.

    They, pull together in nebulous drops
    given by grandmothers the world over
    who still understand
    the tearing of Art's borders
    across different lands which say
    "for some reason
    if you were to be somebody else
    in this portrait
    you would still be my blood
    but disconnected
    like every other
    unfortunate son
    who wants
    who writhes
    and swallows
    every poison given."

    Is this a blessing?
    Is this light
    or the neon I afford myself?

    Bill, this was my subconscious reply. I know I'm usually terrible at deciphering your poems, but hey, just my response that I had to give... in regards to the collab I talked to you about the other day.

    Does this fit the bill, Bill?



    P.S. After second thoughts, I'm not too impressed about my third strophe. I think the first two strophes would work by themselves without the rest loading it down. I'm not sure. What do you think? I personally think it goes on a bit too much, and doesn't complement the brevity of your piece. Perhaps... the first two lines of the third strophe as an ending couplet? Seems to be a good finish, end on the right 'note' etc. I don't know.
    | Posted on 2007-03-05 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      Dang! i hath burned the hashbrowns in the time it took me to look up all these words (after spending a good portion of my afternoon looking for a decent etymology for the word 'surrender'). No matter, there's always more hashbrowns.

    Dark....and beautiful. Yeah. Beautiful is one thing, but to end on a sour note? Booooooooooooo!!! (look who's talking). At the core of this poem is a very relevant subject....What is beautiful? What is an appropriate subject for art? Can the ugly be beautiful....if beautifully rendered? Perhaps when an actress puts on a 'fat suit' for a role. But then, that is really more artifice than art. Heck, even the telling of poor Leda being raped by a swan is beautiful when handled with the hands of a Michelangelo or a Yeats.

    But i see your point. Conversely, could the beautiful be made to seem ugly? Or how about this idea! Why not render the beautiful....as beautifully as possible?

    Hmmmmmmm.......(that's a thought). It sort of makes me wonder what you were looking at when you wrote this. A Dali with cataracts....nice.

    Okay, i can't resist. Here i go with that bird poem again.

    We look before and after,
    And pine for what is not:
    Our sincerest laughter
    With some pain is fraught;
    Our sweetest songs are those
    that tell of saddest thought.

    --Percy Shelley 'To a Skylark'

    | Posted on 2007-03-03 00:00:00 | by twacky | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Fasade written by jackz
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Love written by saartha
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    AI written by poetotoe
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    written by Daniel Barlow
    The Azores written by poetotoe
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Push written by JanePlane
    Every..... written by jackz
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    untitled written by ShyOne
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]