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    dots Submission Name: Blessed be the Momentsdots

    Author: ChrystalR
    ASL Info:    23/Female/Norway
    Elite Ratio:    5.14 - 126/121/58
    Words: 55
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 647
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 341

       My little sister, who always makes me smile.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBlessed be the Momentsdots

    .. ... ..

    You know
    Some of these moments
    happen to make me feel
    That there doesn`t have to be
    A tomorrow at all

    It fills me slowly
    Like a dawn of purple
    Outwards from my soul
    That I am blessed to be
    With you today

    .. ... ..

    Submitted on 2007-03-04 07:43:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Bright piece. Full of moments we only get back in memory. This piece celebrates the present. It's short, gets right to it. Elicits a smile. I like this
    | Posted on 2013-07-25 00:00:00 | by CNPerry | [ Reply to This ]
      I think it would be better with "some of" ommited. The repetition between some of and sometime was so close together it seemed akward. Don't should be doesn't gramatically but you may wish to create a specific accent by leaving it. Either way the imagery is fairly meager the run rise beautiful breath taking and like the sunrise love is a difficult feeling to put into words. The most beautiful and necessary phrase is "That I am blessed to be
    With you today" Simple and to the point; no sidestepping I like that.
    | Posted on 2007-03-04 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]
      Aww, this is cute. I know exactly what you mean by this, and it's refreshing to see it applied in a platonic way. The 'dawn of purple' is a great image, it really pulls the poem together into a solitary thought and emotion. My only quibble is that, in the fourth line, 'don't' should be 'doesn't'. Or, you can change 'A tomorrow' to 'tomorrows'. My suggestion would just be to change 'don't', though, because tomorrows feels awkward. Keeps up the good work!
    | Posted on 2007-03-04 00:00:00 | by saartha | [ Reply to This ]

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