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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Puppet on Broken Stringsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: crazymunchkin
    ASL Info:    17/f
    Elite Ratio:    3.3 - 52/45/19
    Words: 111
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 99
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 766



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPuppet on Broken Stringsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    a step to the left
    then twirl to the right
    a curtsy center stage
    all just as you say.

    as the curtains fall
    will you release me
    and let me descend.

    no audience to please
    left alone in darkness
    to plot and scheme.

    for everyone else
    with their painted faces
    and same soulless stare
    with no desire
    to feel ever again.

    Thats's not who I am.
    for my finally
    just wait for the lights
    let the curtains rise.

    go pick up your controls
    safe behind the curtains
    cause I doubt you'll notice
    for I'm no longer yours
    now I am simply
    a Puppet on Broken Strings




    Submitted on 2007-03-04 11:09:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      A nice movement to the poem, the short lines work well let the poem trot like a horse ... some nice images, though a tad mysteirous, but all to the good ... bravo ... bravo ... bravo ... michael
    | Posted on 2007-04-19 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
      I would agree with the other comments, spellcheck and punctuation make the difference between talent and success. The greatest ideas can be let down on presentation.

    If your not confident enough yourself to punctuate your work, then ask a friend. You can even ask me if you want. I don't mind in the least.

    I really do like the poem for itself though

    ~Keiran~
    | Posted on 2007-03-14 00:00:00 | by Keiran | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this poem, and would consider adding it to my favorites if it weren't for your lack of spellcheck and misuse of various punctuations. I also think that your use of the word "finally" in the next-to-last stanza should be "finale."

    If you edit, let me know--I'll be glad to add this to my Favorites list.

    As usual,
    --crimson echo
    | Posted on 2007-03-09 00:00:00 | by crimson echo | [ Reply to This ]
      There were a few mistakes but I think this showed some great ideas,it could be better if you tightened it up a bit but I liked it,
    or maybe you'd like to leave it as it came to you when you wrote it,thats what I normally do but its your choice of coarse.

    any hows I really liked the first verse the whole premise of the work was good.It had a very pinochio like feel to it(obviously him being a puppet and all) but the style sounded very unique and quite fresh to me.

    Keep on writing

    -Raphael
    | Posted on 2007-03-07 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this. It created a great image. The wording and how it had no capitals or punctuation (exept for the last line) was perfect. I might suggest adding a little more emotion, since the subject is trying to decipher itself from others with no souls and establishing itself as somebody with feeling and autonomy.
    | Posted on 2007-03-04 00:00:00 | by TheStillSilence | [ Reply to This ]



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