[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: A Nature Haikudots

    Author: saartha
    ASL Info:    27/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.06 - 230/384/131
    Words: 14
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 737
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 94

       Because I was feeling both lazy and artistically inclined at the same time. Haiku: the laziest of styles.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Nature Haikudots

    Golden fields of wheat
    fall prey to an arctic frost
    Grain falls like hailstones.

    Submitted on 2007-03-04 17:59:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Huh. You should go read my haiku. I write about everything BUT nature. Unfortunately it was only until a short time ago that I was unable to write a 5-7-5 work until I played around with some words.
    Nonetheless I find haiku quite more effort than a lazy form of poetry, maybe to fit in with the weather theme you could say "golden seas" instead of golden "fields.
    Or it could be just me.
    | Posted on 2007-03-12 00:00:00 | by Azuire | [ Reply to This ]
      Perhaps haiku is a lazy form of poetry... but I also tend to be a somewhat lazy person, and therefore find a certain mystique in the haiku, like they're not just snapshots, but seeds bearing epiphanies.

    I like this a lot, the two parts are great, especially the second. Very stunning, really.

    I suppose there's not actually much to say about a haiku... though, I do have two suggestions.

    The first is to lose the capitalization--the only parts of a hiaku capitalized are proper nouns.

    The second is to ditch the period--haiku are NEVER ended with punctuation of any sort. Neither period, exclamation point, or question mark. I'm not sure about ellipses... maybe ellipses... but probably not.

    But, those are just formatting nitpicks.

    Ummm... yeah. It's beautiful; good job.
    | Posted on 2007-03-08 00:00:00 | by wool raincoat | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice little picture; fairly direct!

    Maybe change "fields" to something like "seas" to add a little more medaphor?

    It's hard to depict events in haiku: good job!

    | Posted on 2007-03-04 00:00:00 | by PretzelCorps | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Where? written by ParanoidParadox
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Yes written by poetotoe
    Cover written by saartha
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Records I written by Raphael
    AI written by poetotoe
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Carry written by saartha
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    no words for how graceful you are in this moment written by Daniel Barlow
    Formal Jen written by Daniel Barlow
    a safe place written by Daniel Barlow
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    prison written by ShyOne
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    You read free written by poetotoe
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Fasade written by jackz
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]