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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Nature Haikudots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: saartha
    ASL Info:    27/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 230/390/136
    Words: 14
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 804
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 94



    Description:
       Because I was feeling both lazy and artistically inclined at the same time. Haiku: the laziest of styles.


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    dotsA Nature Haikudots
    -------------------------------------------


    Golden fields of wheat
    fall prey to an arctic frost
    Grain falls like hailstones.




    Submitted on 2007-03-04 17:59:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Huh. You should go read my haiku. I write about everything BUT nature. Unfortunately it was only until a short time ago that I was unable to write a 5-7-5 work until I played around with some words.
    Nonetheless I find haiku quite more effort than a lazy form of poetry, maybe to fit in with the weather theme you could say "golden seas" instead of golden "fields.
    Or it could be just me.
    Cheers
    Azuire
    | Posted on 2007-03-12 00:00:00 | by Azuire | [ Reply to This ]
      Perhaps haiku is a lazy form of poetry... but I also tend to be a somewhat lazy person, and therefore find a certain mystique in the haiku, like they're not just snapshots, but seeds bearing epiphanies.

    I like this a lot, the two parts are great, especially the second. Very stunning, really.

    I suppose there's not actually much to say about a haiku... though, I do have two suggestions.

    The first is to lose the capitalization--the only parts of a hiaku capitalized are proper nouns.

    The second is to ditch the period--haiku are NEVER ended with punctuation of any sort. Neither period, exclamation point, or question mark. I'm not sure about ellipses... maybe ellipses... but probably not.

    But, those are just formatting nitpicks.

    Ummm... yeah. It's beautiful; good job.
    | Posted on 2007-03-08 00:00:00 | by wool raincoat | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice little picture; fairly direct!

    Maybe change "fields" to something like "seas" to add a little more medaphor?

    It's hard to depict events in haiku: good job!

    -Jay-
    | Posted on 2007-03-04 00:00:00 | by PretzelCorps | [ Reply to This ]


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