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    dots Submission Name: Point of Viewdots

    Author: Aken Sol
    Elite Ratio:    3.93 - 197/204/67
    Words: 95
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 615
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 617


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPoint of Viewdots

    No matter if I love you
    or not,
    memories tide unto my soul
    Do the words "I love you"
    mean anything to you?

    Drift away
    And the past will wash over
    our laughter,
    our kisses,
    our time invested in one another.

    Your coldness paralyzes me
    When the day before you melted the ice
    with your words and lips

    If love is pain
    does that mean you love me?
    Hurt me then, please!
    Show me you care enough to do that

    As you walk foward
    I move towards the opposite way

    Submitted on 2007-03-05 03:36:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This seems almost sarcastic and mocking... is that the tone that you were trying to get across? Well, you might want to consider rewording the first stanza, it appeared a little awkward, or at least not fitting to the rest of the poem. Very nice metaphor-esqueness with the "paralyzing coldness" and the melting. Fantastic! Maybe you could find another, more strong word for melting? Overall, it was a good poem!

    Keep writing and keep up the great work!

    *~ Misty ~*
    | Posted on 2007-03-05 00:00:00 | by PrincessDoom13 | [ Reply to This ]

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