100 to 1 by Eagle

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Submission Name: 100 to 1 dots

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Author:	Eagle
ASL Info:	18, M, Australia
Elite Ratio:	3.47 - 22/38/15
Words:	92

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	128
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	682

Description:
Comments really mean a lot to me. It's so interesting seeing what someone else thinks of my work and how they interoperate it. Each new comment makes me jump for joy, yet one piece of work has (at this time) 212 views and ZERO comments :'(

You monsters... :P

100 to 1 dots

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100 to 1
My work viewed.
So many thoughts from so many people,
Running through their minds.

100 to 1
A comment made.
The thoughts flow through the soul,
And get transfered onto paper.

100 to 1
So many different feelings,
Minds undecided,
Thoughts escaping words.

100 to 1
Each gift presented,
Given to me here.
A gift I treasure;
Makes me think further myself;
Makes me live
Makes me breath
Makes me continue on,
Makes me better
Makes me stronger
Stronger then before.

Makes me me.

Submitted on 2007-03-05 06:04:22 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
I only submit stuff on here that I want commented on. i can't stand when nobody comments. That's why I have two profiles just in case noone comments on something I really like, i submit it twice. I like the forth stanza, it really adds feeling to the poem. and the last line is great too. you've got skill so keep on keepin on.

Peace,
Love,
And weed for all!
| Posted on 2007-03-05 00:00:00 | by Magic Dragon | [ Reply to This ]
I liked this. I know it feels to have your stuff viewed but not commented on... like my best and favorite piece has been viewed almost 30 times and no one had enough decency to even comment!

Anyways, on with the commenting! I liked it, but the last chunk of stuff:
"100 to 1
Each gift presented,
Given to me here.
A gift I treasure;
Makes me think further myself;
Makes me live
Makes me breath
Makes me continue on,
Makes me better
Makes me stronger
Stronger then before."

it's too clumpy, that's probably because I am a fan of organization and I like a nice same number of lines per stanza. I think that if you broke that big stanza down to 2 little stanzas it might be more effective! Oh, and the "then" in that stanza is used incorrectly, it should be "than" because it is a comparison and "breath" I think should be "breathe", right?

The last line of the poem was very good and very, very effective, I lovvvveee one lined endings!

Well, I hope I wasn't too harsh and that I gave you the kind of comment that makes you jump for joy... I apologize for this being kind of lengthy...

Keep writing and keep up the great work!

Take care,
*~ Misty ~*
| Posted on 2007-03-05 00:00:00 | by PrincessDoom13 | [ Reply to This ]

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